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Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness

Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness

Template - Or shall we just call it "Turn off #1!"

Ok, turnoff #2 - The ads. I don't like commercials at the beginning of movies in the theater or on DVD, I think TIVO is the greatest invention ever, I think telemarketers should find a better way to make money, like prostitution, and I HATE SEEING ADS ON BLOGS! Give me a break already. As if we aren't bombarded by someone trying to sell us something in every other aspect of our lives.

Turnoff #3 - The template colors. You didn't assault me enough with the title, the ads and the political blather? You had to bring it all home with the shit-ass colors, did ya? You are one cocky son-of-bitch, aren't you? I bet you think your penis is gigantic, too. Do you beat your naked chest and chant "I am King of all I survey!!" every morning before your usual protein shake and raw egg breakfast?

My. Eyes. Hurt. How many times do I need to tell you people that light font on a dark background SUCKS! Oh, what's that? I only said that once? WELL IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH!

Turnoff #4 - You have to "CLICK TO READ MORE" on every post! Did we not just go over this? PEOPLE HATE THAT! I'M TYPING IN CAPS WAY TOO MUCH BECAUSE I'M IRRITATED AND ACTUALLY YELLING!

Turnoff #5 - It seems they only post once a week if not less!

Moving on...

Content - Reading this blog is probably the equivalent of taking testosterone injections, daily. I think I'm starting to grow a penis and facial hair as we speak. Some posts are political, gag. Some are pure word vomit from an overly manly man. One, I found awesome... this, right here. And that is as far as I got, I was getting a headache from the colors. Now here is the interesting know, earlier, when I exercised my gift at stereotyping and generalizing people by insinuating he drinks protein shakes and eats raw eggs for breakfast? Well, I didn't realize how right on I probably was!! Read this. Pay close attention to #'s 6, 11, 20 and 27. Sometimes I scare myself at my stereotyping skills. And I gots skillz baby!

Here is the turning point in this review... oddly enough, during the course of writing this I have softened like a man's penis after seeing a Joan Rivers naked. I still hate the template, but realize it's fitting. The colors just need to be altered. Apparently, my disdain for the template and terrible first impression made me want to hate this blog. But, I can't continue to hate like that. See, ironically, as much as I love gay men, I also LOVE manly men. There is no black and white here. You are either gay or you are a man. Period. Ever since the metrosexual thing started I wanted to puke. Men need to be men. No man of mine is going to get pedicures with me or wear man-capris and carry man-bags. Fuck. That. We will not fight for mirror time and you will NEVER borrow my hairspray. If you do, your gay... and I'll still love you, but I'll want a divorce. Okay? Okay.

With that being said, I could find myself enjoying these posts despite the 5 turnoffs. Why? Well, it's simple... I'm the girl at the BBQ that is hanging out drinking beer with the guys while the girls are all sitting in a circle in the lawn chairs giggling and sipping cocktails. I have my girl moments, I'm addicted to purses and sunglasses and can shop very well. But I have always enjoyed male friends more and would rather talk shit with them than talk about the latest hair highlights. So, to be honest, I could deal with this blog much easier than the uber-sweet mommyblogs.

I can understand the Viking figure as a representation of manliness but Shatner is lost on me. Why him? Conan in your header should be used in place of Shatner. But, maybe Shatner is a guy thing... like the 3 Stooges. Only men seem to get the 3 Stooges. Go ahead, test that theory. I'm right. Anyway, the blog, I like. I didn't at first... but now I do.

In Summation - This blogger chews, probably grabs his crotch in excess of 100 times a day, loves guns, South Park, heavy metal (not the pussy heavy metal either) and is a very proud American. Can't really fault the guy for that! Besides, he had me hating him at first, now I'm diggin' him... and his partner Shatner because of the Beer Post.

Rating 7 out of 10


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