I Am Woman, See Me Blog!

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I Am Woman, See Me Blog!

The first impression sucked. I was pissed off at the load time of the page and the template is fugly. I didn't expect to enjoy this blog at all.

Template - Fugly... Super Fugly. It's 2007 and we all use computers to communicate and can befriend people on the other side of the world. Don't use a font that reminds me of an ancient tool called a typewriter. Please. But, I'm just being a bitch about it. It's ugly but not horrid.

Content - This is where it gets interesting. She writes about her side of the world and shows beautiful photographs along with her posts. You get some great insight to life over there and I found that intriguing! I will probably never get to see this part of the world but it makes me really want to and, if I can't, at least I can get a first hand account from this blog. The rest of her writing is enjoyable and I found myself smiling through her blog. She seems genuine and sweet. Her posts aren't earthshattering but they aren't completely bland either. It's a nice mix.

In Summation - I would go back to see her... if anything just for the photographs and to read about a life I would probably love to lead. We can dream and travel thru blogs....

Rating - 6 out 10 - Would have been a bit higher with a better template.

Jaded Sunburns

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Jaded Sunburns

She has been around awhile. I have seen her blog numerous times on blogrolls and often wondered why she seemed so popular. I read her blog a few times in the past and was never hooked.

Template - She has that cool feature on her blog that allows you to choose the template in which you want to view. I like that. Her templates are pretty cool but some are less appealing than others, but not because of functionality or insulting color schemes. It's more just a personal preference. So, score one for templates.

Content - In all fairness, no I didn't just read one or two posts and then write this review. Remember, I said I have read her blog before. I wasn't impressed then and I'm not impressed now. I read several of her posts to see if anything has changed, and it hasn't. They are not awful by any means. They just lack umph. She writes pure though. Truth. Reality. No fluff. In retrospect, that's admirable. She isn't trying to be someone she isn't. I will never knock someone for that. So, even though her content is bland I can understand why she may have loyal readers. I just won't be one of them. See, while writing from your heart is sweet and all it's boring. I don't like being bored. I like being entertained.

In Summation - This review pretty much mirrors the blog... boring, bland and blasè. But I still have a hard time knocking someone who is real and pure like she is. We have said it a million times... and I'll say it again... not my cup of tea.

Rating 6 out of 10 - More for template than content and for being true.

Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness

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Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness

Template - Or shall we just call it "Turn off #1!"

Ok, turnoff #2 - The ads. I don't like commercials at the beginning of movies in the theater or on DVD, I think TIVO is the greatest invention ever, I think telemarketers should find a better way to make money, like prostitution, and I HATE SEEING ADS ON BLOGS! Give me a break already. As if we aren't bombarded by someone trying to sell us something in every other aspect of our lives.

Turnoff #3 - The template colors. You didn't assault me enough with the title, the ads and the political blather? You had to bring it all home with the shit-ass colors, did ya? You are one cocky son-of-bitch, aren't you? I bet you think your penis is gigantic, too. Do you beat your naked chest and chant "I am King of all I survey!!" every morning before your usual protein shake and raw egg breakfast?

My. Eyes. Hurt. How many times do I need to tell you people that light font on a dark background SUCKS! Oh, what's that? I only said that once? WELL IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH!

Turnoff #4 - You have to "CLICK TO READ MORE" on every post! Did we not just go over this? PEOPLE HATE THAT! I'M TYPING IN CAPS WAY TOO MUCH BECAUSE I'M IRRITATED AND ACTUALLY YELLING!

Turnoff #5 - It seems they only post once a week if not less!

Moving on...

Content - Reading this blog is probably the equivalent of taking testosterone injections, daily. I think I'm starting to grow a penis and facial hair as we speak. Some posts are political, gag. Some are pure word vomit from an overly manly man. One, I found awesome... this, right here. And that is as far as I got, I was getting a headache from the colors. Now here is the interesting part...you know, earlier, when I exercised my gift at stereotyping and generalizing people by insinuating he drinks protein shakes and eats raw eggs for breakfast? Well, I didn't realize how right on I probably was!! Read this. Pay close attention to #'s 6, 11, 20 and 27. Sometimes I scare myself at my stereotyping skills. And I gots skillz baby!

Here is the turning point in this review... oddly enough, during the course of writing this I have softened like a man's penis after seeing a Joan Rivers naked. I still hate the template, but realize it's fitting. The colors just need to be altered. Apparently, my disdain for the template and terrible first impression made me want to hate this blog. But, I can't continue to hate like that. See, ironically, as much as I love gay men, I also LOVE manly men. There is no black and white here. You are either gay or you are a man. Period. Ever since the metrosexual thing started I wanted to puke. Men need to be men. No man of mine is going to get pedicures with me or wear man-capris and carry man-bags. Fuck. That. We will not fight for mirror time and you will NEVER borrow my hairspray. If you do, your gay... and I'll still love you, but I'll want a divorce. Okay? Okay.

With that being said, I could find myself enjoying these posts despite the 5 turnoffs. Why? Well, it's simple... I'm the girl at the BBQ that is hanging out drinking beer with the guys while the girls are all sitting in a circle in the lawn chairs giggling and sipping cocktails. I have my girl moments, I'm addicted to purses and sunglasses and can shop very well. But I have always enjoyed male friends more and would rather talk shit with them than talk about the latest hair highlights. So, to be honest, I could deal with this blog much easier than the uber-sweet mommyblogs.

I can understand the Viking figure as a representation of manliness but Shatner is lost on me. Why him? Conan in your header should be used in place of Shatner. But, maybe Shatner is a guy thing... like the 3 Stooges. Only men seem to get the 3 Stooges. Go ahead, test that theory. I'm right. Anyway, the blog, I like. I didn't at first... but now I do.

In Summation - This blogger chews, probably grabs his crotch in excess of 100 times a day, loves guns, South Park, heavy metal (not the pussy heavy metal either) and is a very proud American. Can't really fault the guy for that! Besides, he had me hating him at first, now I'm diggin' him... and his partner Shatner because of the Beer Post.

Rating 7 out of 10

The Queer Chef

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The Queer Chef

Template - I love it, but I'm not in love with it. I love it because I seem to have an odd fixation with everything green these days and it's "Mr. Clean" clean. I love things that are "Mr. Clean" clean. But I'm not in love with it because it's a tad boring. This isn't a bad thing though. I just like a bit more flare... personal choice. The header pic is awesome even though it's "Anime-ish" and I don't dig on Anime. Still, hil-AAARRRRR-ious picture. Right on my little gay friend. Right on. Seriously, a lot of bloggers could learn a thing or two from this template... like how to organize and live clutter free. Yet another reason why I love gay men. And, believe you me, I LOVE gay men.

Content - Well, this I don't love so much. Truthfully, the posts are mundane. But, his personality shines through them sometimes. I read a few posts farther back and found some interesting things out so I'm sure if I were to keep reading I would find more. One thing I read that caused me to fall head over heels in love with this adorable little gay man is that he loves Ghost Whisperer. OMG I TOTALLY LOVE GHOST WHISPERER! LOVE. IT! He also posted a video of Jennifer Love Hewitt's that I had never seen. I knew she could sing but never saw her sing or saw any videos. Now, I'm even more in love with her. As if that were possible. So, for posts that are boring there sure is a lot of love flying around here. I am not liking his "click here to read more" thing at the end of some posts. Just put the whole damn thing up there. If it's to keep the page shorter, fine, but the posts are not that long anyway, so just put the whole thing up!

Sidebar - Perfection. Complete and total perfection

In Summation - Honestly, for content that's pretty mundane I sure read a lot. I enjoyed this blog.. I might even go back to it.. and not just because I loves me some gay men either.

Rating - 7 out of 10

Tagged and Bagged

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Tagged and Bagged

Template - It's a template that I see entirely too much of. It's a free template that has worn itself out. He did add his own embellishments to it which show some creativity and also show a great direction that he could run with if he would get a new template.

Content - This is what I consider to be an artsy blog. Even though I love art, all forms, I'm indifferent to this blog. I think the idea of his blog, his photographs and his explanations are actually intriguing but it's just bland. The potential is there.... oh it's there. However, he indicates in his about me section that he is learning.... so hopefully he will grow.

Sidebar - No need to even mention... it's just fine on it's own.

In Summation - Finding art in graffiti is not a new concept but it's not over done either. This blog could really be something. For starters, a new template.

Rating 6 out of 10 - A new template, a few spices, some personality and it could be a 10.

Let's Talk

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Let's Talk

Template - Plain but acceptable. The header picture is a heavily pixelated and distorted fragment of Michelangelo's treasured painting from the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. He claims to be a computer geek so I would expect him to be able to display a masterpiece like this in a better manner. The rest of the colors are easy on the eyes but anti-climactic.

Content - Well, I don't like to pick on someone who served our country, so let me say this first: Whether you served in war-time or not, whether you fought in the front lines in Iraq, Kuwait, Afghanistan, Bosnia or even Vietnam (your age isn't clear) or whether you worked in a cozy office on a base in Nebraska, thank you. Thank you for choosing to enlist knowing there was always a chance that you could see a war and might have to sacrifice your life if necessary. No matter if you fought for this country or not, joining the military is a sacrifice and an honor, regardless.

Now, as for the blog... it's a political blog with some health thrown into the mix, at least in the early days of it's existence. Interesting mix of content. I think most of the recent posts are all political though. Fun...a blog about hating President Bush and everything that is wrong with this country. Number one, I hate politics. I am not going to delve into those reasons right now because it's not about me, it's about this man's blog. Number two, I hate reading political blogs, because of reason number one. However, this needs to be objective and fair. So, it doesn't matter what side of the political fence he is on and the fact that he spews his opinions in a blog. It's the fact that his grammar sucks and he uses random commas in odd places which drives me insane!!! I don't care what you are writing about, have some pride in your work and try to be correct! It's not what you are saying, it's how it's being written. Obviously, political blogs are only for a select group of people and much like "mommybloggers" they stick to their own kind. Call it a modern caste system of blogging... but it's not forced. I am not part of the political blog caste system and even if I were I don't think I would really pay much attention to this particular blog. It just doesn't stand out.

Sidebar - The sidebar is ok but the archives are too long. They need to be rolled up or at least utilize the format that is in his other blog... using the months instead of dates. It will shorten it substantially.

In Summation - Blah Blah Blah.


Rating - 3 out of 10 - 3 points for effort

Watching the Wheels - I think?

Watching the Wheels

Just to show I'm not a complete heartless bitch I'm not going to say "come back and ask us for a review when you fucking decide not to change the address and move your blog!"

But I won't say that. Instead, I'll just say that Watching the Wheels is apparently not going to be maintained anymore and she is now at Another Aimless Blog.

Lovely... which one do you want reviewed!? You submitted WTW but now you are at AAB! Regardless, I can't figure out either blog because there isn't a clear "about me" section or my favorite blog necessity for blogs like this that you can't just jump into and figure out.. a note of INTENT!

So, when you get your shit straightened out ask for a re-review. At this point I'm just too confused to be fair.

No rating... it's better than the big fat zero Fida Inc. got!

Fida Inc.

Fida Inc.

I don't even know where to go with this review.... fuck.

Template - I hate it. It really is as simple as that. The font is way too damn small and it's in box format which means larger, creepy spaces between some words. The whole page looks incredibly sloppy and it's full of clutter. The colors are ok, but that is about as far as the generous comments are going to go.

Content - Good god woman pick a fucking direction! Are you going to give me travel advice, bitch about a hilarious video that Alanis did (which was the best thing in your blog) or complain about the payscales of ministers versus presidents. PICK SOMETHING! A travel advice blog is great, but it should be separate. If you want to bitch about why ministers make more than presidents, which is a valid gripe, that is fine but all your shit is lumped together like a gigantic mess of thoughts and it's aggravating. You run the gamut of topics and it's disturbing.

Now, before you guys start shaking your heads and thinking, well, doesn't everyone's blog run the gamut of topics? Yes, you are right. Even my blog runs the gamut but I'm not annoying with tiny font and bad grammar! So there! And I don't lump in travel advice with pointless bullshit about Lance Bass movies!

Sidebar - Yes, I hate that too. It is full of shit that I don't care about. I mean FULL of shit. Seriously.

In Summation - Her posts are hard to read, visually and grammatically and this blog sucks. So, I'm taking the advice she gives in her lame "About Me" sections ... I'm LEAVING!

Rating: the biggest fattest ZERO I have ever given.

Some sweet southern comfort with a side of Aqua Net *updated*

Not Much Southern Comfort - But plenty of other offerings....

Template - Ow. My. Eyes. Seriously. As I'm typing this post on a big white screen I am seeing black and white things float across it. You know, like, when a computer screen doesn't use a screen saver and the image gets burned into the screen? Well, like, this has just happened to my eyes. Is it possible for your retinas to hurt? Because mine do. White lettering on a black background should be illegal. It should be a punishable offense and anyone who choses this template scheme should be relegated to the gates of hell, or in her case, Paris, surrounded by ugly and irritated French people demanding that she speak French. Listen, the rest of this review is about to get better, I promise. But PLEASE for the love of God, get a different template. There are plenty of freebies out there and we will help you. If you want simple, do simple. that is fine! Just don't ever, EVER use white lettering on a black background. Your readers just might start sending you bills for the headache medicine they have to keep buying.

Content - I. Love. Her. She had me at hello... ok, well, actually she had me at this... (For those of you with more than one child, you know that when they are hell-bent and presenting a united front to get what they want, it's a tough row to hoe. I swear, if they were put in charge of US Foreign Policy and told that getting our troops out of Iraq would earn them candy or a Bratz doll, the war would be over in less than three days.) I read all of her posts on the first page despite the burning sensation in my corneas (because she is that entertaining) and then went into her archives to read the very first few posts. This post won me over, even though it the deal was already signed, sealed and delivered. This blogger is humorous, entertaining, long-winded (but that's ok) and knows how to tell a story. She writes of her daily life and knows how to keep you interested, even during the long posts.

Sidebar - This doesn't even need a mention because it's short, neat and sweet. Kudos.

In Summation - I. Heart. You.

Rating 8 out of 10 - Sorry, but I took 2 points off for the template. If you get a new one, that is less painful to read, I might consider giving you the two points back... but there might need to be a lot of begging and some bribes consisting of money and food.

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Spandex and Hairspray - Where's my damn Agua Net!?

Template - I want to hate it. The background is beyond cheesy.... think: old school Microsoft Windows screensaver and sitting at your desk, bored out of your mind and staring at those "stars" flying at you until you wanted to puke. The header image is creative though and goes perfectly with the theme and premise of the blog. While we are on that subject, it's about growing up in the 80's... hands down the cheesiest of all decades in the 20th century... so, the lame-ass background fits as well, I suppose. I want to hate it... but, it works. I just think, considering the blog's idea, so much fun could be had to create a great 80's style template.

Content - The premise really is a great idea. It's a woman reminiscing her youth and telling stories of the days past.... in. the. 80's. That's pure entertainment right there. However, what I read wasn't really all that entertaining. It was decent but long and somewhat boring. It's not the stories... it's the way they are told. They need some umph. They need some life. They need some tie-died shirts clipped up on the corner at the hip with a pair of hot pink jelly shoes! Gawd, the horror. You know, I don't really like reliving my 80's... so this blog is a tad painful too. Then there are some stories that aren't meant to be funny but merely a recollection of a something that she endured or that changed her in some way. That's fine... but a little bit of life still needs to be breathed into the posts.

Sidebar - Looooooooonnngg! The cursive font in the second section is hard to read but the rest is fine. Most everything in her sidebar serves a purpose but a few things like her stories could stand to be rolled up neatly. It's just a busy, busy sidebar and it is very distracting.

In Summation - It has a shit load of potential but needs an equal shit load of tweaking. And I'm not talking drops of acid tweaking... though it could be fun. You are onto something girl... it just needs some good old fashion 80's touches.

Rating 5 out of 10 -

Taking the good with the bad

All-Night.org

I was in the middle of this review when a certain link (to be mentioned later) locked up my computer and caused all of my browser tabs to close, including my 1/2 written review of this blog. I'm highly pissed off and having trouble remembering all that I had written previously...and godammit it was good! But, I'm trying very hard not to let that sway me from now on. You see, initially I was writing a very nice review and it was all kittens and butterflies. Now I'm pissed off. But, it really wasn't the blogger's fault so I can't let that influence this review... but I'm still pissed off! GRRR!!

Template - Upon opening this blog my eyes were pleasantly greeted with warm, soothing colors, a well-organized look and a great general layout. It is an incredibly user-friendly template. With the exception of the archive page (which I'll discuss in a moment...) there is a link back to the home page everywhere you go! That is such a nice bonus. Shit my own damn blog doesn't even have that handy link... an oversight on the designer's part maybe. I should work on that... Anyway, now back to the archive page! This is where it gets orgasmic. No joke. See, the archives are just a sweet little drop of coconut juice in her sidebar (you'll get that when see the template)... it's unobtrusive and unoffensive. Then, you click on that sweet little link and viola! You are transported to a simple page where her past posts are categorized by the month THEN by the subject! It's so easy even a caveman could do it! (God I love those Geico commercials...) Again, the only negative on that page is that I couldn't find a link back to home. Another oversight possibly, but easily fixed I'm sure. Even though the archives take you to other places in the blog, it's still nice to have that "emergency exit" type link everywhere, just in case.

Content - Ok, how do I put this.... it's um... prosaic but still managed to evoke interest in me. That is strictly a personal opinion because I'm fairly certain that most of the readers will be dozing off during their visit. For me, however, she radiated this likability about her that kept me engrossed in the posts, regardless of their mundane nature. I found myself happy that she got a new car and excited about her trip to the zoo. Maybe it's the fact that she is a girl I would be friends with, in a second. I mean, she likes country music and is a NASCAR fan. I'm also a proud card-carrying member of the country music and NASCAR fan clubs. Of course, my interests are not limited to those two things. She is also an advocate for the animals. How could anyone dislike an active animal lover who actually tries to make a difference?! The posts are not well-written per say, there is some grammar issues or misuse of words like "then" for "than" but nothing really major. Despite that, I still found myself enjoying my visit. I went back to the beginning of her blog and found that she has grown quite a bit, in her writing. That is always a good thing. Just beware when you click her Maryland SPCA link... that is the demon that caused me problems... it was probably just a freak thing though. I'm juss sayin' that's all.

Sidebar - This is where the template just gets better. It's so organized and tidy that I'm smitten. It will speak for itself.

In Summation - She doesn't write about anything earth shattering, but she is incredibly likable and her template is a work of art.

Rating 8 out of 10

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Winged Emotion -

Template - I like it, but I'm not in like with it. I do happen to enjoy the little gadgets that this type of template offers... my favorite being the underlining of certain words or phrases that you can simply hover over to get their meaning. I really honestly love that. I love it so much it hurts. The header image is boring but that is just my opinion. I'm fairly certain she is probably more simple in her tastes and that is totally fine where as I tend to lean towards bright lights, flashing neon and head feathers to make me happy.

Content - I'm so bored that my eyes are rolling back in my head. As they roll back my head keeps spinning at her personal accounts of every minute of her day. Oh. My. God. This is why some bloggers shouldn't be blogging. I read her first page of posts and then clicked randomly through the archives (the best part about this blog) and found the same boring drivel and detailings of her cooking and laundry escapades. I. Don't. Care. If you are going to detail your every move, make it interesting, please. As for the archives, I already mentioned she'll get high marks for that. I love how it's organized by month and then day and you can see each post's title. It's great. Kudos for that, at least. But, overall, I find the writing fairly juvenile considering she is a 35 year old woman.

Sidebar - It's fine but there is some useless content that I dislike. But really, it's not bad. It could be worse. I just really don't care at this point.

In Summation - Nice template but a bit mundane, mind-numbing content and a great archive page. That is pretty much it folks....

Rating 3 out of 10 - Obviously just for the template and organization.

2 10's for the price of one

Under Surveillance - Braindead Betty isn't so braindead after all....

Template - What a sweet piece of work. Usually black backgrounds are lost on me... I just don't like them. In this case, though, it's perfectly acceptable and it works because the text body is a grayish background so it's not a horrible assault on the eyes. The header image really seems to pull you in as well. I'm diggin' it.

Content - Look, when you open a blog and read the first couple of posts then you find yourself actually wanting to go back into the archives to keep reading, then you know it's good. It's really as simple as that. Her posts, generally speaking are short and sweet but they seem to always convey a point and the randomness of that point doesn't matter, because it's a good read. She is funny, spunky and you really and truly get a great feel for this girl just by reading her "About A Girl" statement at the very top of her sidebar. Yeah, girl knows how to do a sidebar... but that will come a bit later. Anyway, Braindead Betty has all the criteria that I look for a in a blog... all of it. She has a clutter free template, simplicity, letting the reader see who she is at her core and entertaining posts. I honestly read quite a bit of this blog including her 100 things... yes, I read all 100 of them. You really get to know her thru that list. I also discovered a shared passion...she harbors disdain for the misspoken "Nuc-U-lar" just like myself. So, a shared hate brings me and Braindead Betty closer... See? Hate doesn't always have to mean a bad thing. Hate can bind two foreign souls together.... (cue "We are the World" Music)

Sidebar - This is also a sweet piece of work. I love how it says "About a Girl" and I am totally loving the "Miscellany"... simple minds, I know, but that is just cool. I have never heard that term before. It's always misc or miscellaneous all spelled out. But, really, I can't write an entire sidebar review about one silly word that I happen to be in love with... or can I? Ok, I won't. Moving on, the categories are organized and clean and it just doesn't get better than this.

In Summation - I love Braindead Betty. I think she is awesome. I want to be her friend... we could check our oil together and she could teach me how to change a tire. Fun times. But, I draw the line at Sci-Fi. It's ok and all, but not my favorite genre. So, we could be friends if she would be willing to compromise on the television viewing... and if she promised not to cry at everything. I don't cry.

Rating ... wait for it... oh yeah. She's gettin' a 10! A TEN BABY!!!
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The Modern Savage - Coming to a pub near you...

Template - I want to dislike it because of the colors and the drab nature. But I can't hate it. He's a man, he writes about his trials as a single man trying to bed women (this is actually a cool thing... not a male whore thing) and the template fits. It works. It doesn't need to be anything more because the posts are the defining characteristic. The template's understatement allows the posts to be the star.

Content - Ladies... men... everyone....Read This Blog. This young man is trying to navigate the shallow waters of companionship, be it for a night, or a lifetime. And, let me be the first to tell you here, there is nothing wrong with a one night stand. You can disagree all you want, but it will not change my mind. Moving on... the best thing about reading this guy's posts are that you can honestly see that he has morals. You may question him at times, but if you truly read, you'll see that he is also questioning things. Hold up, a single man who wants to sleep with women but he has standards? Morals? Yes! Ok, no, he's not perfect, but he's at least trying. Look, men want to sleep with women, and women want to sleep with men. This is not earthshattering news. It's just a fact. This blog just gives us a birds-eye perspective on "the chase". It's unique and interesting. The only thing missing is a bio of sorts... considering the type of blog this is you could really have fun with that. A brief description of yourself would be nice... just to provide some background. For instance, since people don't seem to believe you were a 27 year old virgin you could mention that in a bio for your sidebar. Because, we all know that if it's spoken in the sidebar, it's the gospel. All doubt would be removed Mr. Savage. Sidebars are the blog's bible.... duh. Don't worry, writing a short bio doesn't mean you'll give up your anonymity.

Sidebar - It's somewhat long but I can see a purpose for everything. The links are interesting and it is organized very well.

In Summation - You'll want to keep reading....

Update: ETA - I was completely wrong in my review when I said this blogger doesn't have a bio. It was a huge oversight on my part and I sincerely apologize. His bio is under the "About" link at the top of his blog and I simply missed it. Thanks for pointing it out Matt! My apologies again.

Rating .... oh boy, could it be? Could it really happen twice in one review? Another 10? YES! YES! ANOTHER 10

Now, lets get something straight, I'm not just throwing around 10's because I'm in a good mood or anything... 10 is a highly coveted number but it doesn't have to be complicated. For me, personally, 10 means I found nothing to complain about and I want to go back and keep reading daily. It's just that simple.

It's too early for this much pink

Adventures of Mommyhood -

Template - This is simply a cheesy piece of work that appears as if it were laid over something else. Way at the top you can see something under the body of the template, in my browser anyway. The pink background doesn't match the pink border at the top which only solidifies my opinion that it's a lame attempt at putting a free template together. Look, I learned the hard way... don't try and fuck with free templates if you don't know what you are doing. Either use the free template, follow the instructions and leave it alone or pay for a decent one. Don't try and add your flare to it if you don't know what you are doing. I speak from experience. The colors in this template are sickening and too many font colors are used. It's apparent that she is trying to match the font to the colors in the ugly flowers at the top, but it's overkill and completely unnecessary. All the color variance does is detract from the content and causes the reader to see nothing but disorder. And for some inexplicable reason, the OF in her title is capitalized. Apparently the OF mommyhood needs to be emphasized for some unknown reason.

Sidebar - Good God. It gets worse. The most obvious thing about the sidebar, besides the scattered use of color are these cutsey little cartoon smileys that seem to randomly permeate the topics. The serve no purpose and are just annoying to the reader. There is just a lot of useless crap in the sidebar and it's cluttered. The only things you need are your bio, blog description and your links. Lose the rest. And please jazz up your "about me" section. I am a stickler for bios and blog intentions and at least those are present, but they need pizazz. A lot of it. Readers want to be pulled in right away and the bio/description is the best place to do that. It's like your first impression.

Content - Aside from another assault on my eyes from all the color variation, the content is more snoozeville than interesting. Mommy bloggers get a bad rap, and this blog is why. There are a lot of mommy bloggers out there that can discuss their kids and their daily life and yet make you laugh at the same time and keep you coming back. Take some notes and come back. This blog is probably only interesting to family and friends.

In summation - This review is done with good intentions. I don't like giving negative reviews to mommy bloggers because I am a mommy blogger. So, take this as constructive criticism. Put some life into your posts. Your readers will appreciate it.

Rating 3 out of 10 - 3 points for having a bio and a blog intent, minus 7 for the template and colors.
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Confessions of a Stage Mom - So much potential, so little delivery...

Template - Yay, another pink blog. But wait, this one is pink all over. Not only that, blogger actually makes this template as a standard option... on purpose. I can only assume the blogger template designers are on crack. At least she doesn't try to mess with it. It is what it is and that's better than the previous blog. There are no cheesy attempts at being cute or annoying modifications.

Sidebar - Alright, here's the deal, I don't care what is on your iPod, your "latest thang" doesn't fit and the word "thang"... ugh, c'mon. Finally, your blog intention needs to be at the top. Otherwise, it's clutter free and that is always nice to see.

Content - "This is where it really picks up" (care of one of my favorite movies... you guess). Well, it's not side splitting humor or anything but she has spunk and some pizazz to her posts. There are a few fluff posts, a few meaningless things, but she has some funny stories to share. That is pretty much all I can say about it.

In Summation - I'm mostly indifferent to this blog. Nothing stands out but it's not horrible.

Rating 5 out of 10

From Hollywood to the Midwest

Hollywood Flakes - Not everything in Hollywood is fucked up!

First Impression - I bow to the template designer. He or she did an Oscar winning job.

Template - Read above. It's clean, it's very unique, it's easy on the eyes... it's everything a blog template should be! Readers... TAKE NOTE OF THIS BLOG!!!

Content - See, if you haven't noticed already, this review is going to be simple. It's going to be simple because I just cannot find fault with this blog or the blogger herself. Her posts are funny and unique. Her self-deprecation is enjoyable and humorous and the "extras" on her blog are great. She has created pages called "Stuff We Dig" and "Stuff we eHat". I went thru each of those pages thoroughly and actually enjoyed looking at them! You just have to go there to understand. Her sidebar is almost perfection. Everything is rolled up nicely and organized very well. There are only two suggestions that I have. One is that the "Guest Lounge" should maybe be better suited being called the "Green Room". It would fit the theme better. Oh, and I would like to see some sort of bio. I'm picky about that. When I open a blog I want to see a small description of the blog and blogger. It helps formulate a relationship with the reader and give some direction to the blog. However, without those things, she still does a great job and it's easy to just pick up and read her blog without being confused. It's also nice to see a Mormon who enjoys taking cracks at herself and her faith and she also dispels the lame-ass misconceptions that people have about the faith.

In summation - If anything, this blog will show you that Mormons are normal people, they have real senses of humor and are not all living in desert compounds with creepy men and 30 children running around.

Sarah, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I hope you have an easy labor and a very healthy baby.

Rating 10 out 10 - Yes folks, I really can't find anything to complain about, the content and template mesh very very well.
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Anonymous Midwest Girl -

First Impression - Not bad... now lets dig into the posts.

Template - Well, it's a standard Blogger template with some flare. I have a love/hate relationship with the header image. The overlay doesn't go with the image but it's not horrible. In this case I compare it to the song choice on American Idol. She may be able to sing it and keep in pitch, but it isn't necessarily right for her. The sidebar is tidy and simple so I can't complain about it much. There is just no theme to the blog to jazz it up. The category titles are juvenile and overused. "Linkalicious" and "Pimp Your Blog" really need to be retired into the "bad side bar category hall of fame".

Content - I didn't get to read much (time constraints) but what I did read wasn't bad at all. But, it wasn't engaging either. Lets just say I have seen a LOT worse. Her writing does seem humorous at times and if it's not Pulitzer prize worthy and evokes emotion from me, then I at least want to see humor. Go here... it's in the running (ha ha ha... you'll get that after you read this post) for one of the funniest things I have read.

In Summation - It's mundane and humdrum but it has potential! A lot of potential! Just jazz up your template and put some pizzazz into your posts. Just think JAZZ HANDS! One more thing.... POST MORE! You are sporadic in your posts and go a long time in between.... faithful readers hate that.

Rating 6 out 10 -

I need a shot of whisky and a cigarette

Whisky Minx - You might need a stiff shot of whisky before viewing...

First Impression: I need a vomit bag....

Template: This would be the reason for the need of a vomit bag. Of course, this was a delayed reaction because the template is fucked up in FireFox. So, I had to open up IE in order to properly view it. Once it was up, the feeling of needing to vomit came. It's blog template that would look much better in a baby girl's nursery. You know, I'm going to leave it at that because I'm feeling nauseous again.

Content: I first attempted to view this blog last night and was bored to tears and was pissed off about the template being fucked in FF and having to go over to IE. And, I didn't like reading something that made me ill. But, I pulled it up again today and was greeted with something even more disturbing than what I saw yesterday...enormous images of a sketched face that don't fit in her content area. It's not that the images were bad, they were just huge and not something I wanted to be faced with before caffeine has a change to clear my head of the sleep dust. After the first two images though, the following ones do get weird. They were lost on me. Anyway, after seeing the blog today I realized the template is fucked up in IE now. Oh joy. So, that's it. I'm done with it and will not waste any more time trying to find something good about this blog. If there is anything good, I just don't care.

In summation: Crap at it's best. One fucked up template, boring content and freaky images are enough to drive me away. It's a waste of time to read.

I now will thoroughly enjoy giving out my first big fat ZERO rating.

Rating: 0 out of 10
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Leesa's Stories - Huh?

First Impression: The template is boring and the "tag line" is about 75 words too long. Seriously, her tag line is 89 words. Metaphoric mission statements belong on a page of their own.

Template: She likes it, she wants it clean and boring and that's fine. Whatever. I can't complain about it. Here sidebar is long but neat and everything serves a purpose that is easily understood.

Content: "Things that make you go, hmmmm?" It's random, odd and uninteresting. I spent more time trying to make sense out of it than enjoying it. There is way too much blogging about blogging and I hate that. It's quite apparent she is a traffic whore. But, she is losing readers. Leesa, concentrate on writing what you know and what you find interesting and you might get more and keep more readers. Trust me! Besides, you said yourself that BE is a waste of time. So why are you still on it? I do somewhat like the footnote idea. But the strange characters that seem to replace the apostrophe in words bugs me. I don't know if it's a browser thing, but it's annoying. The only thing that is clear and entertaining is her erotic short stories. However, it's still a source of wonderment. Are these true? (the ones where a disclaimer on top is not written stating it's true or partially true?) Are they just fantasy? She eludes rather clearly to the fact that she was unfaithful to her husband and these short stories of hers could certainly be true considering that fact. If they are then I feel sorry for her family. We are all human and make mistakes, especially when we are younger but this goes way beyond that. See, there is blogging truthfully and eloquently about your past mistakes and how you may have learned from them. Then there is blogging about your mistakes in an entertainment form that gives men hard-ons and makes you look like a slut. But I'm juss sayin'. I just hope the stories are fiction. (except for the ones that took place at a younger age and she was SINGLE)

In summation: I'm confused and bored annoyed. The short erotic stories are definitely arousing... but I just read it the whole time thinking, "please be fantasy!"

Rating 1 out 10 - (1 point for a clean template)

Miss Misery Smiles

Miss Misery Smiles - I can feel the insecurities and pimples of my teens emerging. Fuck.

First Impression: "Dude is wearing pink lipstick. Really." That shade is so not his color. Aside from that, love the header picture.

Template: It's actually quite nice. The header pic is large but visually appealing. The colors work well (except for dude's lipstick) and it's easy to read. The sidebar is clean and not littered with bullshit. While that may seem like just an ordinary statement to most of you, check this... this is a 17 year old's blog! Hold up! WHU! Where are all the fucking blinky-dinky buttons and MySpace links and all that other annoying horseshit? That's right, they don't exist! Girl, I don't give a shit if you have 2 heads, a hairy back and sound like Little Richard (it's ok that you don't know who he is, most of the readers will), thank you for being a non-conforming teenager! That alone scores huge points with me. Moving on, despite my intense love for things unseen in this template, I must say that I abhor stationary backgrounds and movable blog bodies. Anyone out there that knows what the correct terms are for this incredibly annoying template design, please inform and don't fucking mock me for not knowing. Everything with this template is pleasing to me, except the stationary background. I don't know why, but I find it disturbing and juvenile. Also, your background is so default-standard that it takes away from the greatness of the rest of the blog template. Lastly, yes, yes I DO like the post separator hearts. They are sweet without being vomit-cute.

Content: This is the part that makes the angst of my teenage years rise up from the dark recesses of my mind and horrify me once again only to be thankful that I am NOT that teenager anymore. As she states in her profile, she is 17. She also claims to be sarcastic with a chip on her shoulder. Yes, yes she is. However, there is a sense of maturity in those characteristics and it's actually more refreshing than the mall-hopping, lip-gloss whore types that I'm used to seeing. But, she is still 17 and I had to try very hard to read this blog objectively. See, normally, at the mere site of a profile that states "I'm 17" I run away. I run away screaming "GOD PLEASE! NO! MAKE THEM STOP!" This time I wasn't able to do that. I was forced to read because the boss made me. (do you realize she actually whips us into submission and forces us to paint her toes along with doing these blog reviews? it's horrifying). Anyway, I read and read as much as I could. I did notice that she is pleasantly mature for 17. She may struggle at this age but she seems to at least be rebellious enough to stand out on her own two feet and not conform to what the "cool people" think should be and yet not get herself into trouble like true rebels can. I am disturbed by her father letting her drink last year, but hey, I'm not her parents. I saw a few posts that hinted at health issues for her related to her legs and some mentions of surgery but I could not find anything specific. What I would like to see is a clear and easily accessible bio link in her sidebar. I guess I just like to get an idea of a blogger's background thru a small bio. Her archives are rolled up and simple but you have to go thru each post to hunt for things. There are no categories to guide you.

In Summation: She is a teen blogger but there is more to her than that. Her posts are somewhat inconsistent in that some are mature and showcase her "take no shit" attitude and others are very "teen-like". She has it all, boy problems, school issues, friend problems and it seems like she has to add a lot of doctor visits into her mix. Teenage-hood is never easy... never. I hate being reminded of my years and actually strongly dislike teenagers, even when I was a teen I still disliked them immensely. So reading her blog can be a turn off if you are over the age of 25 and don't give it a chance. I for one don't want to be transported back into the difficult, hormone-laden, confusion of adolescence so reading a teen written blog isn't on my to do list. But in all fairness, if you are going to read one, this would be the one read. She isn't your typical teen, and that's refreshing.

Just a few things honey, smile a little more, for real, not just to hide your pain. Boys suck and you won't find true love in high school so just accept it. And finally most girls are superficial bitches at that age and you seem to be the lucky girl that already knows that. You have know idea how far ahead the teen game you are. Real life isn't high school... it's still out there. Good things are coming.

Rating 5 out of 10 - (it's not exactly bombshell reading or entertainment.. but she deserves points for the effort and for being herself without making readers ill)

(Often) Pedantic Musings

(Often) Pedantic Musings - A world where women is spelled "womyn"

First Impression: I want to hate the template. I really do. But I can't quite do it. It's boring (and that is a common theme here) but it's not abusive to my eyes. I'm indifferent to it (also a common theme here). Oh look, a blog with the word "musings" in the title. Now there is some originality. Pedantic? Ok, that's good. That word has pulled commonality of the title out of the proverbial blogosphere gutters of crapdome.

Template: Read above. I just don't fucking care.

Content: Well, I'm not sure what to say about the content. My creative juices are sitting on the shelf with my good mood for today. They want to be left alone and it the wake of their absence what is left is a cranky, indifferent and lifeless shell of the person I was yesterday. But, I digress, this isn't about me. It's about her. And, speaking of her, and her content... I fucking hate that she uses so many links in her posts. I don't care what the reasons are and if there is actually a good reason, it bugs me. It's a major distraction from the post. It's like driving down the road and catching every fucking red light. When I hit a link, I don't want to click on it and break my stride of reading, but sometimes you have to in order to understand the reference. Well, you know, a lot of other bloggers manage just fine or find a way to make those references without disrupting their posts. I say, use hyperlinks in your posts only when necessary. And most of your shit isn't necessary. Now, lets get started on the word "womyn". Why? Is there a particular reason for this? Is it a shameless attempt of attracting Googlers who miss spell the word so they get transported to your pedantic world of musings? I have a hard time believing that your obvious incorrect spelling of the word 'women' is an accident because your intelligence precedes you. Regardless, yet again, it fucking bugs me. The rest of the content is humdrum but intelligent. I tried reading it objectively today despite my foul mood, but I am not sure I succeeded. In my defense, I read this blog last week when it was first assigned and my mood was more elevated and I didn't care for it then, either.

Sidebar: Yep, she's got one. It's clean. That's a plus.

In Summation: Blah blah blah, yada yada yada. It's a blog... she has a few readers... good for her. People won't be flocking to her in droves, but that's cool. She is who she is and shouldn't change for anyone, let alone a bitchy blog reviewer like myself. This blog is just more suited for that target audience of the intelligent, modern and independent coffee-house genre like herself.

Rating 5 out of 10 - (because I just don't care either way... so we meet in the middle)

Misheru

Misheru - Warning, may cause drowsiness.

HERE YEE HERE YEE! Lend me your ears eyes so that I may boldly claim that I hate the following blog! Yes, it has happened! I digress, hate is a strong word. Allow me to rephrase and instead claim my intense discontent for this following blog.

First Impression - "What the fuck is that header picture?" That was all I could think of and it set the tone for the rest of the torture reading.

Template - What template? It's a fucking white piece of web paper with a crazy-ass picture on the top of it. At least it's clean and organized. Props for that.

Content - No it does not get any better here. Oh look, she is a pay per post blogger. Whoopity-doo! Alright, far be it from me to judge bloggers because they choose to try to get paid to write blog entries. But seriously, $4 to $6 dollars per post? Is that really worth whoring yourself and time out there? No it's not. Fuck, why don't you just answer the envelope stuffing ads in the newspaper. It's just as legit and you'll probably make more money. Blog because you enjoy it, not because you can get paid for a post here and there. It turns people off (ok most people) and turns your blog into an advertisement instead of a personal journal that has meaning. I couldn't even make it through the blog. I looked at some pictures, read a few posts and my eyes glazed over as if I were stoned (and I honestly wish I were, instead of reading this blog). Sorry, but there was nothing that made me laugh, made me wonder or even came remotely close to holding my interest.

In Summation - Run away. Run far far away.

Rating 2 out of 10 (2 points for neatness... because neatness counts)

Canadutch

Canadutch - It's somewhere near Timbucktoo, I think.

First Impression: The template is an obsessive compulsive person's dream!!! Therefore I'm in LOVE! Now, it's not a template I would ever choose for my own blog but as a blog to read, oh dear lord it's amazing.

Template: The colors are bold and vivid and the organization would make Monk so proud! Since I am Monkish and reviewing this site, that makes me very proud! Her categories across the top under the header are interesting and I actually went through them all. The sidebar is neat and tidy and contains your non-typical sidebar blather which I found it enlightening and a breath of fresh air! I just don't have any complaints, yet.

Content: This is where I get bored. The main content is sleep-inducing. I could only make it through a few posts. It appears she loves turtles. Cool. I have no complaints on that... but it's not a blog about turtles.... so I'm not looking for posts involving turtles. If I wanted to hear about turtles I would turn on the Discovery Turtle Channel. All turtles, all the time. Wait, that channel doesn't exist because turtles are BORING! Granted, hers are cute and I will never fault someone for loving a little pet such as this... it's just not my cup of tea. With that said, I am very sorry for the loss of Cupid. Since she loves her turtles so much, I am sure losing one hurts.
Now, the categories across the top is what I liked the most. Since she is a Canadian living in a foreign country, she has a category for each country. In it she describes each of her "homes" very well including maps. I LOVED this! It provided great insight into each country and showcased her personality very well. Blogs are personal and people want to really know you through a blog and she encompasses that idea quite well. Then there is a "SPATS" category dedicated to marital fights. I wanted to hate this category. I wanted to roll my eyes and think, ok, this is stupid. Then, I read it. Actually, I found it funny and enjoyed the non-typical aspect of it! Just so she knows... Whites DO get washed in hot water, shorts and wool socks should NEVER mix, sit to wipe and fix the dog.

Sidebar: Today, this gets its own category because I love it so. There are no weather pixies, gigantic blog rolls, stupid flashing buttons and other annoying bullshit. Instead, she organized her search and archives well. She has created a movement against auto-play music on blogs (THANKYOUVERYMUCH) and she is an avid reader and simply likes to share her books, shows and movies of choice in non-threatening and overbearing manner. Good to know! I hope you get that camera you lust after as well. It's nice. If I was rich I would send it to you as a gift for having such a well organized and interesting blog! But I'm not rich, so you aren't getting it.

In Summation: Aesthetically it's wonderful, organizationally (yeah, it's a fucking word because I just said it is) it's amazing and it's very interesting. Her content is a bit boring but that is small fries compared to all the other good shit she is offering. The bottom line is she knows what a blog is all about. She really lets you know who she is and she isn't afraid of being herself. She gives you great insight to what her life is like. She is leading a very interesting life and yet she is very relateable at the same time. And, because of her, I now know that I never want to live in Dutchland. They have funny toilets and don't eat gravy. What the fuck is that all about?

Rating 8 out of 10 - I swear to God, there WILL be a blog I hate very soon!

Whatever Blows my Skirt...

Whatever Blows my Skirt - but is she wearing underwear? That is the million dollar question.

First Impression: Shades of green, soothing, great header pic... it's promising! So far so good.

Template: See above. They say green is the most soothing color on the eyes, that is why pool tables and poker tables are generally green. Well, that is what I was told eons ago anyway. So, a greenish template like this makes me happy. There is an entire psychology in the use of color but I can't recall what emotions the color green brings out. But who cares, right? Anyway, the sidebar starts out so great; the artistic fonts of the categories, the cleanliness and organization is wonderful. Then, we soon discover she's a "gadget girl". We all know those gadget girls don't we? They are easily identified by the weather pixies and buttons galore in their sidebars. However, gadget girls need love too. Being a gadget whore does NOT make a blogger any less of a person. It's the TYPE of and USE of the gadgets that is important. This particular gadget girl has fairly cool gadgets. Well, ok, the weather pixie is not cool but I'm letting that slide because the rest of her template, sidebar and gadgets are ok. Furthermore, her gadgets are well organized for the most part and don't produce an insane amount of clutter. I know this because my anal retentive ass is not hanging a rope from my ceiling in preparation for my own hanging because I can't stand the clutter of her sidebar. On the contrary.... I'm perfectly fine with it.

Content: I am slightly annoyed by the color and font of the body but that's only because it doesn't quite match the theme of the template and it's so basic. However, with this color scheme, black is probably the only text color that would work. Maybe a new font would help. I just don't have any suggestions because I myself would have to play around with it until I found something that worked. But, it's a minor distraction and nothing I'm deducting points for. As for the actual content, she is a mom that has been through quite a few trials and is building a new life for her and her son. Gotta give her props for that! And you know what the coolest thing about her is.....she is NOT annoying!! Yes, she's a mommy blogger, dealing with hardships but she doesn't annoy the piss out of you! She's actually upbeat for the most part, doesn't partake in self pity, uses the word FUCK once in a while and she doesn't talk about the color of her son's daily poops! More props! Her latest post was quite funny but I must say the following things... Heroes rocks and is the best show ever... period. Owen Wilson is in DIRE need of a nose job and I didn't know Kate split from Black Crowes Hubby. Where have I been? And finally, Rob and Amber are the coolest and I have loved them since their FIRST stints on Survivor. They are my heroes. That is all.

In Summation: Great template, simple and jovial content, she seems like a very very nice person and one that would be fun to hang out with and I will definitely go back to keep up with her. I'm not exactly ok with her condemnation of Heroes and her use of the word "crap" in describing the show, but I will do my best to overlook that. Something has to be said for her 33rd place ranking and having over 24,000 visitors, right? Don't think I don't notice those things... obviously people like her! And, I can see why.

Rating 7 out of 10

Space Monkey Pants

Space Monkey Pants - A man obsessed with cookies, barrel monkeys and Skor bar squares... bring on the fun!

First impression: Funny funny funny. I knew it would be funny from the title and was not disappointed when I started reading. The first post was about his father, whom everyone seems to be crushing on. Admittedly, I would totally spank his ass myself. The father that is. Or, he could spank mine. Either way it would be spankerific.

Template: It's simple, black, clean and has an adorable little monkey gracing the header. I want to hug him and squeeze him and make him my own... and call him George. Wait, there is already a cute monkey named George. I shall call him.... Mortimer. The sidebar is not cluttered and that makes me very very very very very very happy. VERY happy.

Content: Hilarious. Intelligent. Weird. Informative. It's pretty much all there. I enjoyed reading his posts and how he tells his tales. It just happens to be a type of "story delivery" that I find very amusing. He does seem to have some sort of mental incapacitation of zipping up his pants and he eats too many cookies but he's still worth reading. Don't misunderstand me though, I doubt he's a some fat pervert lurking in cyberspace. Skinny and sane blogger people love cookies and forget to zip up, too. Besides, he's married... to a pillar of strength no doubt. In fact, reading his reasons that he loves his wife makes me love her too.

In summation: This space monkey bastard has made me fall in love with his dad, his wife and a stupid cartoon monkey. Dammit all to hell! And furthermore, I love him. I do, I love him. I'll be going back for sure. It's possible that his blog is laced with some sort of cyber-potion that corrupts the reader's brain cells by using some sort of sonic waves, or it could just be that he's awesome. And I don't give out that moniker to just anyone. The only unfortunate thing is I could be gaining a reputation for being too nice and liking all blogs. I promise you, I don't like all blogs. I am pretty sure some shitty blogs will be coming in soon.

Rating 9 out of 10 (10 out of 10 is just a highly coveted number and may never be given out...)