Pardon The Egg Salad and Kuma's Place

Finally we're back :) Sorry it took a few days, but we're back in action - ready to make you happy with are award winning posts (well, not really), but most likely we will just piss you off (most definitely)

Pardon The Egg Salad

Template - It is simple but has great colors and modern, clean lines. The 4 eggs in the corner go nicely with the name. It really does have a nice relaxing feel to it without being too boring. The sidebar is long - well never ending is more the word. However, it is extremely well categorized and placed. She has pictures and links that break it up and make it all flow well together. I love that!

Content - Well if it tells you anything she was just given a Thinking Blogger Award which is pretty cool if you ask my opinion. She has a degree in creative writing and it really shows! I can't tell you how long I spent on her blog reading back over the archives, because I was genuinely entertained. It was fun humor in most of the posts, nothing too racy or full of swear words (although I don't usually mind people talking like truck drivers, but today I wasn't really in the mood for that kind of humor). Some of the posts bored me, but most of them were interesting enough to keep my attention. I have to say, I enjoyed her life mixed with a few videos and pictures. All around an A+ blog I would say!

In Summation - I personally have already bloglined her and I like her! I don't think everyone will love her, but most will enjoy what she has to say. Therefore -

Rating - 9 out of 10

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Kuma's Place

Template - YAWWNNNNNNNNNNN!!! Boring boring boring. Could I say it anymore? Sure I can!! BORING BORING BORING! This time I feel I must scream it. Typical, standard blogger, but one that I just don't like. It doesn't show any personality whatsoever. NONE! Oh - and one of my biggest pet peeves?? Get a link that takes you back to the main page, I kept having to go to your profile when I wanted to get back to the beginning!!

Content - This is where I get over the bitchiness and onto more about the person. Dannie is a 35 year old stroke survivior which in itself is fabulous, not to mention that she had a brain tumor removed. Just to digress for a moment - my grandmother had a stroke and I saw what she went through and she was never herself again. She died shortly thereafter and I guess I have always had a place in my (albeit very small) heart for people that go through such a serious medical condition. Not that I'm giving her any symptathy when it comes to her blog, because I'm just not that nice :)

But she really puts it out there that she is only writing to release stress and pressure, and to amuse herself. Kudos for that. Normally I'm not a fan of that per se but I think she sounds like a very genuine and likeable person, even if she is right - her blog won't win any awards. However that doesn't mean that people can't write strictly becuase they enjoy it, and often those make some of the best blogs.

You have to read This post about what she did to her husband in the middle of Walmart. OMG I would've been rolling on the floor laughing if I had been there to watch and hear that :) This girl definately seems as if she is a great person and probably a great friend to have. I liked her so much, and I think she shows incredibly courage and spirit despite all her problems with medical crap.

Rating - I'm doing something I have NEVER done - and I mean NEVER. I am overlooking the horrible, god awful, and boringest template I have ever seen and giving her a rating based on content alone. *Shock! Horror!* I know - there is a first for everything
8 out of 10

Dannie - email me and I will send you links to free templates so you can make your blog a 10 out of 10!!

We temporarily interrupt this blog

The boss is out of town and the subordinates are taking advantage of her absence by playing around and not doing their work! Ssshhhh, don't tell anyone.

Sexy and myself have been a tad preoccupied with silly little things like sick kids, bills and life in general. Our sincerest apologies. Sexy's reviews are next and will be up in the next 24 hours and then my two will follow. So there are 4 reviews coming up soon!

We are sorry for the delay and hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive us. If you can't, well, you can pretty much bet we won't give a shit and the show will go on anyway.

Much love peeps... much love.

2 10's for the price of one

Under Surveillance - Braindead Betty isn't so braindead after all....

Template - What a sweet piece of work. Usually black backgrounds are lost on me... I just don't like them. In this case, though, it's perfectly acceptable and it works because the text body is a grayish background so it's not a horrible assault on the eyes. The header image really seems to pull you in as well. I'm diggin' it.

Content - Look, when you open a blog and read the first couple of posts then you find yourself actually wanting to go back into the archives to keep reading, then you know it's good. It's really as simple as that. Her posts, generally speaking are short and sweet but they seem to always convey a point and the randomness of that point doesn't matter, because it's a good read. She is funny, spunky and you really and truly get a great feel for this girl just by reading her "About A Girl" statement at the very top of her sidebar. Yeah, girl knows how to do a sidebar... but that will come a bit later. Anyway, Braindead Betty has all the criteria that I look for a in a blog... all of it. She has a clutter free template, simplicity, letting the reader see who she is at her core and entertaining posts. I honestly read quite a bit of this blog including her 100 things... yes, I read all 100 of them. You really get to know her thru that list. I also discovered a shared passion...she harbors disdain for the misspoken "Nuc-U-lar" just like myself. So, a shared hate brings me and Braindead Betty closer... See? Hate doesn't always have to mean a bad thing. Hate can bind two foreign souls together.... (cue "We are the World" Music)

Sidebar - This is also a sweet piece of work. I love how it says "About a Girl" and I am totally loving the "Miscellany"... simple minds, I know, but that is just cool. I have never heard that term before. It's always misc or miscellaneous all spelled out. But, really, I can't write an entire sidebar review about one silly word that I happen to be in love with... or can I? Ok, I won't. Moving on, the categories are organized and clean and it just doesn't get better than this.

In Summation - I love Braindead Betty. I think she is awesome. I want to be her friend... we could check our oil together and she could teach me how to change a tire. Fun times. But, I draw the line at Sci-Fi. It's ok and all, but not my favorite genre. So, we could be friends if she would be willing to compromise on the television viewing... and if she promised not to cry at everything. I don't cry.

Rating ... wait for it... oh yeah. She's gettin' a 10! A TEN BABY!!!
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The Modern Savage - Coming to a pub near you...

Template - I want to dislike it because of the colors and the drab nature. But I can't hate it. He's a man, he writes about his trials as a single man trying to bed women (this is actually a cool thing... not a male whore thing) and the template fits. It works. It doesn't need to be anything more because the posts are the defining characteristic. The template's understatement allows the posts to be the star.

Content - Ladies... men... everyone....Read This Blog. This young man is trying to navigate the shallow waters of companionship, be it for a night, or a lifetime. And, let me be the first to tell you here, there is nothing wrong with a one night stand. You can disagree all you want, but it will not change my mind. Moving on... the best thing about reading this guy's posts are that you can honestly see that he has morals. You may question him at times, but if you truly read, you'll see that he is also questioning things. Hold up, a single man who wants to sleep with women but he has standards? Morals? Yes! Ok, no, he's not perfect, but he's at least trying. Look, men want to sleep with women, and women want to sleep with men. This is not earthshattering news. It's just a fact. This blog just gives us a birds-eye perspective on "the chase". It's unique and interesting. The only thing missing is a bio of sorts... considering the type of blog this is you could really have fun with that. A brief description of yourself would be nice... just to provide some background. For instance, since people don't seem to believe you were a 27 year old virgin you could mention that in a bio for your sidebar. Because, we all know that if it's spoken in the sidebar, it's the gospel. All doubt would be removed Mr. Savage. Sidebars are the blog's bible.... duh. Don't worry, writing a short bio doesn't mean you'll give up your anonymity.

Sidebar - It's somewhat long but I can see a purpose for everything. The links are interesting and it is organized very well.

In Summation - You'll want to keep reading....

Update: ETA - I was completely wrong in my review when I said this blogger doesn't have a bio. It was a huge oversight on my part and I sincerely apologize. His bio is under the "About" link at the top of his blog and I simply missed it. Thanks for pointing it out Matt! My apologies again.

Rating .... oh boy, could it be? Could it really happen twice in one review? Another 10? YES! YES! ANOTHER 10

Now, lets get something straight, I'm not just throwing around 10's because I'm in a good mood or anything... 10 is a highly coveted number but it doesn't have to be complicated. For me, personally, 10 means I found nothing to complain about and I want to go back and keep reading daily. It's just that simple.

BlahBlahBlah and Risk Exile

BlahBlahBlah

First Impression - I like the name :)

Template - The template is so-so. It is pretty enough with a nice header of colorful butterflies, but it is a white background so there isn't much "umph" to this blog. The sidebar is also so-so, not too long, not too short, but certainly in general there is nothing in this template that makes me go WOW! I'm really hoping it gets better from here!

Content - Well there is certainly a diversity here. She goes from a post with "bad" words - you know like the ones you hear here everyday, to a post on education. Ok, I may not be part of Mensa but I can obviously tell that this woman is well versed in what she writes about, and seemingly very intelligent. Considering I can't put a whole sentence together sometimes I already feel a bit inferior. Her posts are incredibly thought provoking and funny. They are most certainly full of many adjectives that just leave you wanting to google the definitions of some of them, but they aren't written in a pompous "I know more than you do way".

It seems she is/was a bartender who is may/may not being going to school for some kind of medical license. She did mention that she was finishing up her clinical experience, so I can only assume that she is doing something at least partially medical unless she is just "playing one on TV". Either way, this girl has humor, a potty mouth, and intelligence! Damn... and I'm straight :)

Either way, her content is pretty damn good and although I don't understand some of it because I am just not that smart, I found it easy to follow and fairly entertaining to read!

In Summation - I liked her! A woman who seems to have a lot going for her!

RATING - 6 out of 10 (I just can't get over the fairly boring template)

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Risk Exile

First Impression - UGH, don't do it, don't ruin my Monday - PLEASE!!!!!!!!

Template - Blah - Boring - Needs Work... Yeah, I'm having trouble even getting the words out of my mouth. I hate the header, the white background is boring, but the side bar isn't that horrible. And let me just say for the record, the name is stupid. I guess maybe you have a reason for naming it that, but I don't get it. Something a little more upbeat or personal, or even humorous might be a better choice. But Risk Exile? It sounds like a board game or a name for a war. Also, get rid of the 18,000 colors you seem to use. It is distracting! Blue, black, purple, gray, light blue, dark blue - and this is just for the lettering!!

Content - The About Me section pretty much sums it up I guess

You'll have to read the blog... but I'm into backgammon, poker, writing, coffee and sunsets. The random quotes are song lyrics that amuse me, but one is something my father said. If you can figure out the phrase that is not a song lyric, you won't win a prize, but you will have a deep and abiding satisfaction with life. Or so I'm told. I write what I think, and sometimes what I feel. It usually 'sounds' better in my head. And yes, I really am 180 years old. That gives me seniority. :)

Yes, some of the posts do seem like they were written by someone who is 180 years old but then ends it with saying "Shut the fuck up" Who are you? Are you 12 or are you 80? You write about Bo Bice, and Over-Analytical Chick Goo in the same page. Your writing, I assume, far surpasses your years. I have to admit that I do believe you are a talented writer, but it just wasn't writing that I could follow without wanting to puke. For some I'm sure it works, but for me I just kept scrolling to see if there was ANYTHING interesting about your life. Alas, I didn't find it.

In Summation - While it may suit some people, it doesn't work for me.

Rating: 3 out of 10

It's too early for this much pink

Adventures of Mommyhood -

Template - This is simply a cheesy piece of work that appears as if it were laid over something else. Way at the top you can see something under the body of the template, in my browser anyway. The pink background doesn't match the pink border at the top which only solidifies my opinion that it's a lame attempt at putting a free template together. Look, I learned the hard way... don't try and fuck with free templates if you don't know what you are doing. Either use the free template, follow the instructions and leave it alone or pay for a decent one. Don't try and add your flare to it if you don't know what you are doing. I speak from experience. The colors in this template are sickening and too many font colors are used. It's apparent that she is trying to match the font to the colors in the ugly flowers at the top, but it's overkill and completely unnecessary. All the color variance does is detract from the content and causes the reader to see nothing but disorder. And for some inexplicable reason, the OF in her title is capitalized. Apparently the OF mommyhood needs to be emphasized for some unknown reason.

Sidebar - Good God. It gets worse. The most obvious thing about the sidebar, besides the scattered use of color are these cutsey little cartoon smileys that seem to randomly permeate the topics. The serve no purpose and are just annoying to the reader. There is just a lot of useless crap in the sidebar and it's cluttered. The only things you need are your bio, blog description and your links. Lose the rest. And please jazz up your "about me" section. I am a stickler for bios and blog intentions and at least those are present, but they need pizazz. A lot of it. Readers want to be pulled in right away and the bio/description is the best place to do that. It's like your first impression.

Content - Aside from another assault on my eyes from all the color variation, the content is more snoozeville than interesting. Mommy bloggers get a bad rap, and this blog is why. There are a lot of mommy bloggers out there that can discuss their kids and their daily life and yet make you laugh at the same time and keep you coming back. Take some notes and come back. This blog is probably only interesting to family and friends.

In summation - This review is done with good intentions. I don't like giving negative reviews to mommy bloggers because I am a mommy blogger. So, take this as constructive criticism. Put some life into your posts. Your readers will appreciate it.

Rating 3 out of 10 - 3 points for having a bio and a blog intent, minus 7 for the template and colors.
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Confessions of a Stage Mom - So much potential, so little delivery...

Template - Yay, another pink blog. But wait, this one is pink all over. Not only that, blogger actually makes this template as a standard option... on purpose. I can only assume the blogger template designers are on crack. At least she doesn't try to mess with it. It is what it is and that's better than the previous blog. There are no cheesy attempts at being cute or annoying modifications.

Sidebar - Alright, here's the deal, I don't care what is on your iPod, your "latest thang" doesn't fit and the word "thang"... ugh, c'mon. Finally, your blog intention needs to be at the top. Otherwise, it's clutter free and that is always nice to see.

Content - "This is where it really picks up" (care of one of my favorite movies... you guess). Well, it's not side splitting humor or anything but she has spunk and some pizazz to her posts. There are a few fluff posts, a few meaningless things, but she has some funny stories to share. That is pretty much all I can say about it.

In Summation - I'm mostly indifferent to this blog. Nothing stands out but it's not horrible.

Rating 5 out of 10

Renaming Things

OK, why did I get assigned 4 blogs to review in 2 days? Oh yeah. I'm the boss, and I fucked up.

Here we go, oh faithful readers of the crap we spew forth.

My 4th review: Renaming Things

Template: Standard blogger template. Nothing much to it, but if you're going to stick with this plain-janer of a template, a few suggestions to make it work better:

1. Move the "About Me" to the top of the sidebar. Include the "My Life" in that.
2. Your scary picture should be second.
3. Archives next.
4. All the other shit should be last. Like I've said before, you want people reading YOUR blog, or you want them to read your blogroll?

Content: To be honest, I'm just not getting into this blog at all. I tried, really I tried. He apparently revamped his site as his 2007 New Years resolution and promised better writing, but I haven't seen anything so far that has piqued my interest. Maybe he should try writing from Gromit's point of view... could be a quirky little twist, eh?

It's pretty much a diary of whats happening in his life, which is pretty much what we all blog about. BUT-- my dear, do you not EVER have anything exciting, funny, stupid happen to you? This blog just wasn't doing it for me.

Clutter/Navigation: Clutter doesn't really exist on a standard Blogger beta template.

Would I Return? I might return sometime in the future to check in on him (I do this with all the blogs we review), but probably will not be a regular reader.

Rating: 2

The Girl Behind the Alias: Funk_Zyde

What the hell?

The Girl Behind the Alias: Funk_Zyde

This is going to be an easy review. So easy, in fact, I will do it all in bullet points:

• Template is decent.
• Hate the title. Pick one: "The Girl Behind the Alias" or "Funk_Zyde" Both suck, but they suck even more combined together.
• Quite a bit of her posts are in something besides English.
• The parts that are in English are boring as hell.
• WAY too many damn pictures.
• Only 8 posts in the last 4 months.

Rating: 1 (because her sidebar is neat as a pin.)

Tetherd Cow Ahead

Now, one of my biggest pet peeves is poor spelling. I try to spell-check everything before I post it, but sometimes even the spell checker doesn't catch it every time. So of course I immediately saw Tetherd Cow Ahead and thought "IT'S SPELLED WRONG!" Oh my, I can jump all over this guy's shit and show him what "Tethered" really means! ! !

Oh yeah, except he TOLD me it was spelled wrong, and for a reason...

Hey Girls,
Come play with me. Don't hold back, I can handle it.
My blog: Tetherd Cow Ahead
URL: http://www.tetherdcow.com
(And yes, 'tetherd' is spelled wrong. Everybody tells me. It's supposed to be - you need to read Post #1 to fully understand - don't worry it's just a picture. Nothing deep.)

The Reverend.

OK, I like the premise, but somewhere in your sidebar (sidebar, sidebar, where's the sidebar dammit?) you should add an "About Me" and link to that first post so people know how your blog got its name.

So, I guess I'm actually going to have to rate this blog on content and template, instead of just bashing the spelling... Oh happy day!

Template: It's clean, it's simple, but why in the hell does the sidebar hang clear down the page? Fix that right quick, sir. I literally had to scroll down through a whole lotta of posts to get to the sidebar.

The picture of "you" is scary as hell, and really doesn't fit in with the rest of the page. And like the last blog I reviewed, what the fuck is up with the 20 posts on the front page? Is it a Wordpress thing or what? Someone please clue me in on this, because if its something you can't change, I won't harp on it so much, but GOD HELP ME!

Content: Half of this blog seems to be his own version of Jay Leno's "Headlines" which is some pretty funny shit. I had a great time reading through them. I, too, am considering changing all my light bulbs to the new fancy-schmancy fluorescent ones, and got a kick out of reading this. It's definitely true!

The other half of the blog seems to be a ploy to make me feel as dumb as possible. I spent a lot of time looking things up in the dictionary because there were so many words I was unsure of. I hate feeling dumb and all, so this blog was a learning experience for me. Overall, the content is pretty good. It made me think, it made me laugh, and like I've said before, funny ranks high in my book.

On a more serious note, this blogger lost his wife a few years ago, and what a fine tribute he gives to her on a regular basis. Rest in peace, Kate! I don't know you, but from what I've read, you must have been a woman we all would have been blessed to know. Reverend, I admire your strength and your ability to maintain a sense of humor despite your incredible loss.

Clutter/Navigation: Just fix the sidebar problem, oh mighty bone rattler and cow whisperer. Then it would be just fine.

Would I Return? Probably yes. I enjoyed reading this blog, and I found a lot of humor in it. I enjoy the tongue-in-cheek smart-aleck type of writing, and this guy was all over it like stink on shit.

Rating: 7

Edited to add: His template DOES work in Firefox and Opera. It just didn't work for shit in my IE... so I felt I couldn't penalize him for my shitty computer.

New Rating: 8

In Place of Incandescence

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Blog being reviewed: In Place of Incandescence

Template: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...I'm bored with the template. The colors are OK, but there's no pizazz to this site. No picture of the author, no bio telling us who the author is or where he/she is from. It's a clean site, but it doesn't really tell me anything about who this person is. There's no tag line, nothing. JUST WHO THE HELL ARE YOU ???

Other than that, fix your template so you don't have 15 posts on your front page. It's too damn many. Five is a much better number.

Content: Ahhhhh, now I get to find out a little more about who you are! She's a SHE, she's a mom, and she lives in the Boston area. She also has a job. Zzzzzzzzzzz... Where is the "100 Things" post? Where is the "About Me" information? I need something more-- something--ANYTHING-- to keep me glued to this site for this review.

The content is actually pretty good, for the most part. She's got a great sense of humor, and has the ability to be able to laugh at herself. I thought she might have a pretty good group of regular readers judging by the amount of comments she gets on her posts.

Then I realized half of the comments are from HER. M'kay.

Clutter/Navigation: Blogroll is getting a little long, but it's not as long as your 15 posts on the home page. So until you change that, leave the blogroll as is. It's about the only thing giving the page some activity.

Would I Return? Maybe. Some of the posts are pretty good, but I don't know if its thrilling enough to keep me coming back for more.

Rating: 4

A Novel, As It Happens and Ultra Fine Flair

A Novel, As It Happens

First Impression - Uh, DUH... if you want us to review your blog then you pretty much have to give us access to it. Since it is open only to invited readers I pretty much can gather that she/he doesn't really care what we think of it. NEXT!

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Ultra Fine Flair

First Impression - WHITE WHITE WHITE! I was blinded by the whiteness of it all. White background with a pretty gold coloring. Huh, doesn't grab the attention does it???

Template - Ok, I think we should lose the first impression crap since it is sometimes so repetitive of the template portion of this shindig. So, again, we're back to the white, white, white. The sidebar is snoozeville, but at least there is some color in the flikr pictures she offers. Other than that it is the standard blog roll, and archives. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Content - Well I did enjoy the About Me section. She called herself a "redhead geek marathoner triathlete writer baker hearty-laughter daughter Brooklynite Canadian sister wife". That actually tells me a lot about her, but because the fine print on this blog review site insists that I actually READ the content I figure I must go on.

You can immediately see that she loves two things in her life - her music and her cat. Now, I love music as much as the next person, but aside from the occasional post on her new "snazzy" Ipod, I really don't much give a shit about what she listens to, but if her readers do, then hey... what can I say? Her cat on the other hand I am love with because I had a cat who looks exactly the same. You know, the standard orange tabby with the big paws. LOVE THEM! So, she already has a point for owning a cat that was as special as mine :)

Going back to February archives I realized that she is seemingly obsessed with telling us what day it is. Pie day, potato chip day, Pancake Tuesday... hmmmm, I definitely see a theme going. She obviously loves to eat! Cool, another point.

Other than that I find her posts full of a lot of fluff - not the kind you eat. There is just nothing to sink my teeth into. She obviously has a nice style of writing, humorous in its own right, but just blah. So....

In Summation - It doesn't have enough to keep me coming back, nor anyone else really since her lack of comments show her lack of depth. Take the time to write something the readers can really get into!!!

Rating - 3 out of 10

From Hollywood to the Midwest

Hollywood Flakes - Not everything in Hollywood is fucked up!

First Impression - I bow to the template designer. He or she did an Oscar winning job.

Template - Read above. It's clean, it's very unique, it's easy on the eyes... it's everything a blog template should be! Readers... TAKE NOTE OF THIS BLOG!!!

Content - See, if you haven't noticed already, this review is going to be simple. It's going to be simple because I just cannot find fault with this blog or the blogger herself. Her posts are funny and unique. Her self-deprecation is enjoyable and humorous and the "extras" on her blog are great. She has created pages called "Stuff We Dig" and "Stuff we eHat". I went thru each of those pages thoroughly and actually enjoyed looking at them! You just have to go there to understand. Her sidebar is almost perfection. Everything is rolled up nicely and organized very well. There are only two suggestions that I have. One is that the "Guest Lounge" should maybe be better suited being called the "Green Room". It would fit the theme better. Oh, and I would like to see some sort of bio. I'm picky about that. When I open a blog I want to see a small description of the blog and blogger. It helps formulate a relationship with the reader and give some direction to the blog. However, without those things, she still does a great job and it's easy to just pick up and read her blog without being confused. It's also nice to see a Mormon who enjoys taking cracks at herself and her faith and she also dispels the lame-ass misconceptions that people have about the faith.

In summation - If anything, this blog will show you that Mormons are normal people, they have real senses of humor and are not all living in desert compounds with creepy men and 30 children running around.

Sarah, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I hope you have an easy labor and a very healthy baby.

Rating 10 out 10 - Yes folks, I really can't find anything to complain about, the content and template mesh very very well.
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Anonymous Midwest Girl -

First Impression - Not bad... now lets dig into the posts.

Template - Well, it's a standard Blogger template with some flare. I have a love/hate relationship with the header image. The overlay doesn't go with the image but it's not horrible. In this case I compare it to the song choice on American Idol. She may be able to sing it and keep in pitch, but it isn't necessarily right for her. The sidebar is tidy and simple so I can't complain about it much. There is just no theme to the blog to jazz it up. The category titles are juvenile and overused. "Linkalicious" and "Pimp Your Blog" really need to be retired into the "bad side bar category hall of fame".

Content - I didn't get to read much (time constraints) but what I did read wasn't bad at all. But, it wasn't engaging either. Lets just say I have seen a LOT worse. Her writing does seem humorous at times and if it's not Pulitzer prize worthy and evokes emotion from me, then I at least want to see humor. Go here... it's in the running (ha ha ha... you'll get that after you read this post) for one of the funniest things I have read.

In Summation - It's mundane and humdrum but it has potential! A lot of potential! Just jazz up your template and put some pizzazz into your posts. Just think JAZZ HANDS! One more thing.... POST MORE! You are sporadic in your posts and go a long time in between.... faithful readers hate that.

Rating 6 out 10 -

The Road Less Unraveled

After the great review I just finished today (scroll down to previous post to read it), I'm feeling pretty good for a Friday. She's going to be a tough act to follow.

In strolls The Road Less Unraveled. Will it be able to compete with the likes of the previous blog, or is it destined to be swept under the rug with the zero's and one's we've handed out lately?

First Impression: Oh my fucking God. Is this page busy or what? This page is fucking busier than a one-armed mother of triplets. I'm not liking the looks of this, and I see a bad review in her future. It didn't work for me in IE, so I had to switch to Firefox. FUCK, still doesn't look right. Finally, Opera seemed to like it, and I'm ready to get started. I really don't like to have to WORK to get a site to open. When reading anything beyond the main page, you really never know where the sidebars are going to show up, because they are just all over the place everytime I click on something. ACK! Get me outta here! ! !

Template: In IE, your right sidebar (yes, its 3-columns, people) drops way down to the bottom on your page. In Firefox, lots of other shit is jacked up. This template is boring as hell, and obviously she is making up for it by loading her sidebars with CRAP. It has Photoblog and Flickr Photos, recent comments, tells how many users are online, polls, lots of extra widgets and crap taking up space, her blood type, auction for her firstborn child, a list of music she likes to bump uglies to... ok, I'm exaggerating on those last few... or AM I? At least she doesn't "Exercise for Comments" or advertise Pay Per Post, because then I'd really go psycho-bitch on her ass.

But where are the archives and previous posts? Way the hell over in the right hand column AT THE BOTTOM!!! Honey, do you want us to read YOUR blog or do you want to give us a million links to go elsewhere first? YOUR archives and YOUR previous posts should be your main focus. Hence, they should be appear first and foremost on your sidebar. And if you'd ditch half the shit taking up residence in your sidebars, you could find a template that is much more fun, and more YOU, and you'd have lots more room to actually BLOG. Isn't that what your site is really for anyways?

Some things about your header made me do a double take. First of all, I hate the font that its written in, because it resembles that of a junior high girl writing a note to her BFF. Bubbly and round letters, with little hearts and flowers. And the tagline... something doesn't sound right... anyone else agree?

I took the road less traveled by
now, where the hell am I?

Maybe I am having a blonde moment, but I swear I had to read this 5 times before I got it right. I kept reading it as "I took the road less traveled by now, (pause) where am I?"

When I guess it really should be...

I took the road less traveled by (PERIOD)
Now, where the hell am I?

I have heard of someone taking the "road less traveled" but never the "road less traveled by." I guess it just doesn't sound right, but I've spent way too much time on this already, so I'll shut up.

Content: One you get past the previous shit I've mentioned, the content isn't bad. But I can't vouch for it being good either, because there isn't much of it actually written by her. When its actually HER doing the writing. I ran into a lot of posts that were simply poll results, jokes that she's gotten from people, a random quote here and there, or posts available to "subscribed readers only."

WTF? Let me just say, I hate when people do this. Either blog or don't blog... if you have shit you want private, write it in a fucking diary. It's also annoying as hell to be reading something and then it stops... Please click here to read the rest of this post. DAMMIT! I don't want to go to all this work!! FUCK!

I did read through her "Random Things" page, and she seems nice enough. I'm just not getting a feel for who she is by reading her posts. The person writing the posts and the person described in the Random Things post could very easily be two different people, and I would never know any different.

On her "About" page, she had this to say:

On my blog you will learn a lot about me because I’m a very honest person who tends to wear her heart on her sleeve. I’m emotional but I’m still tough. I’m often a dark cloud with a silver lining most of the time. I have anxiety issues along with what seems to be a little bit of ADD but I actively work hard to make progress with myself. I go to therapy and every single day I try to make improvements. I’m a hopeless romantic and love songs often make me cry.

Show me some of THIS, Robin. This is what we want to read about. Not random quotes from Erma Bombeck and Warren Beatty. Not results from your polls... people want to read about YOU.

Clutter: I don't think I need to re-hash this topic. 'nuff said.

Navigation: GAH! I've never been to a site where I've had to click my mouse and use my "back" button so much in such a short period of time. I'm tired.

Would I Return? No. I'm sorry. I wanted to take the time to read through more of your archives to try and get to know you, but damn. My fingers are tired.

Rating: 1 (because I liked the "Random Things" about her... write more about THAT stuff and re-submit your blog to us.)

** Let me just say this: There are occasionally some blogs that I truly get distinct pleasure from low-balling them, because some blogs out there really just suck. But this particular blog, I took no joy in giving it the rating I did. I don't know her at all, but she seems to be a person that has great potential if she'd take the time to sit down and BLOG.

Weekends Off

Perfect blog to be reviewing here on a Friday, since we lovely ladies do manage to take Weekends Off.

Template: It's another blog that's all one color, just different shades of it. Blue, blue, blue. It's decent, and doesn't make me want to scrap this review and move on to the next one. For starters, your tagline--- the word "un-kind" really should be just "unkind." There's no need to add the hyphen. I like the butterflies-- are they supposed to go along with the butterfly tattoo, I assume? The template was generated by PsycHo and if you're someone that knows nothing about templates, but want something besides the standard Blogger stuff, maybe this would be an option. It's basically a free template generator, and you can somewhat customize your own. I still think Weekends Off could find something a little more HER in the template department.

Content: I can totally sympathize with the obvious irritation with your co-worker. I live for the days my annoying-as-fuck co-worker calls in sick, or happens to take a vacation day. (by the way, she is now gone until Wednesday, and I'm loving life!) I will not spoil Grey's for you, because I don't watch it. And the show you're referring to is "October ROAD." Yes, I too was looking forward to catching an episode of it simply because of Donna from "That 70s Show."

Ok, people that was all from the first post I read. I need to move on to see what else this gal has to say.

We'll start with her first month of posts-- damn, this girl started posting good stuff right out of the gate! No easing into blogging-- the girl just jumped in headfirst. And she's a good writer. Some of the posts are a bit lengthy, but I was not sitting there wondering who all the people are that she was talking about. Honey, I am going to have to keep reading because I need to know how your kids are doing, and how the meeting with them went. I'm still a little lost as to how their dad has been able to keep them from you for all these years, and also how his current wife is who they've assumed gave birth to them? I'm anxious to keep reading to see if I can figure out how this story all plays out. I'm hooked after only reading the first few posts!

I've spent quite a bit of time on this blog today, and I've read through several months of archives. Her blog reads like a story. One post starts where the previous one left off. I swore off soap operas many years ago, but this blog might just fill that void. This is another blogger I could be good friends with "in real life" because she's just that cool, and well-- you know, so am I. The one thing I am curious about is how old she is. Maybe she'll share that with us? I'm guessing late 30s, early 40s?

Summing it up, she's honest. She's refreshing. She makes me laugh, and that is what I look for in a blog. Go check her out.

Navigation: The only thing I found that irritates me with the navigation part is that when I was reading archives, this is another blog that has all pages opening in a new window. I had this problem with another blog, and I can't for the life of me remember which one (because it was probably shitty anyways). But if I were to become a regular reader (which I will address later), I would just read the main page anyways.

Clutter: None really. Blogroll is a little long, but I get tired of mentioning that in every review I do... so I'll zip it.

Would I Return? Yes. Weekends Off, whatever your name is, you have officially been added to my blogroll, and I will be returning. I love your writing, and I have had a great time reading so far. I actually might spend my entire workday catching up on your life so far. I'm looking forward to it!

Rating: 9 ... I rated this one mostly on content. I took a point off because I'm not sure the template was doing it for me today.

* I will be doing a 2nd review today, so stay tuned!

The Kingdom Of Leo and Random Writings By Me

So, you may have noticed we've upped the blog reviews to 2 per day - so look out! Double the bitchiness, double the fun :)

The first review is The Kingdom of Leo

First Impression: This kingdom looks cool! If only I was the nasty wench it would be SO much better :) I immediately had the impression of Vegas baby! The colors, the lettering, the header - I immediately saw gambling in my future.

Template: Personally, I think it works well together. It definitely has a kingdom, castle, Excalibur in Vegas feeling. I don't even mind the black background because the colors are so...well... colorful! The crown totally makes the header. The sidebar is so perfectly organized it boggles the mind. I don't love the color of the comments that are not so neatly put on the sidebar, but it goes with some of the colors in the writing so I can see why it was done, I just don't like that it was done. Even still, everything was rolled up and the pretty little boxes on the bottom were nicely in order.

Content: FIRST - he LOVES American Idol, at least he pretends too because he talks about it a lot, but not too much that you want to puke if you hate the show. He immediately had my first thought that he hopes Sanjaya gets kicked off. Already, I'm loving this guy more and more! He has been posting his days of being sober which is a whopping 1012 days so for that I give him a big thumbs up (as I'm mentally calculating in my head that it is, uh, uh, uh, like almost 3 years - right?). WAY TO GO!! The posts are diverse and funny! The man even had the guts to write about a dream he had of Barbara Streisand and finding her socks... he gets a great rating in my book just for that :)

In Summation: I don't know if it is the whole kingdom thing or the look of Vegas, but I'm definitely coming back to read what he has to say. Lots of everyday crap that I like to read about, some humor, with the hint of seriousness, and an obvious love of life. At least I felt that way! Check it out for yourself!

Rating - 8 out of 10

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Random Writings By Me

First Thought: Honestly? Cover the kiddies ears and close their eyes...

I thought - Oh Fuck, I have to read this shit??

Well, someone has to do it, so I am reading it. When you first open the page it looks like a freakin notebook. If I wanted to read legal pads of paper I would go back to an actual job. First off you have to have a magnifying glass to actually see the words, but more on the template later. I hated the name - Random writings by me. If they are so random, have a diary not a blog. People don't want random, they want stories, they want tales, they want something that does not make them yawn!

Template: Blah, yuck, fugly! It is small, outdated, and generally makes you blind just looking at all the different lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the sidebar is neatly organized but I think it just looks that way because it is so damn small. I really have nothing else to say - just go look at it and come to your own conclusions - if you don't have to squint so damn much.

Content: Snore, zzzzzzzzzz, Snore, zzzzzzzzzz, Snore, zzzzzzzzz...
Oh wait, I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep. Is there anything of any interest on this page? That is a big fat no. Mommy craft's, a post about writers block... Hold up! Writers block? She barely writes! On the first page she had 7 posts since February 2nd? Should we even be reviewing such a boring, non-committal blog? Especially when she says writing this blog is therapy for her. I guess you're not getting nearly enough, and you must seek help immediately! Oh I am so done with this blog...

Rating - 0 out of 10

I need a shot of whisky and a cigarette

Whisky Minx - You might need a stiff shot of whisky before viewing...

First Impression: I need a vomit bag....

Template: This would be the reason for the need of a vomit bag. Of course, this was a delayed reaction because the template is fucked up in FireFox. So, I had to open up IE in order to properly view it. Once it was up, the feeling of needing to vomit came. It's blog template that would look much better in a baby girl's nursery. You know, I'm going to leave it at that because I'm feeling nauseous again.

Content: I first attempted to view this blog last night and was bored to tears and was pissed off about the template being fucked in FF and having to go over to IE. And, I didn't like reading something that made me ill. But, I pulled it up again today and was greeted with something even more disturbing than what I saw yesterday...enormous images of a sketched face that don't fit in her content area. It's not that the images were bad, they were just huge and not something I wanted to be faced with before caffeine has a change to clear my head of the sleep dust. After the first two images though, the following ones do get weird. They were lost on me. Anyway, after seeing the blog today I realized the template is fucked up in IE now. Oh joy. So, that's it. I'm done with it and will not waste any more time trying to find something good about this blog. If there is anything good, I just don't care.

In summation: Crap at it's best. One fucked up template, boring content and freaky images are enough to drive me away. It's a waste of time to read.

I now will thoroughly enjoy giving out my first big fat ZERO rating.

Rating: 0 out of 10
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Leesa's Stories - Huh?

First Impression: The template is boring and the "tag line" is about 75 words too long. Seriously, her tag line is 89 words. Metaphoric mission statements belong on a page of their own.

Template: She likes it, she wants it clean and boring and that's fine. Whatever. I can't complain about it. Here sidebar is long but neat and everything serves a purpose that is easily understood.

Content: "Things that make you go, hmmmm?" It's random, odd and uninteresting. I spent more time trying to make sense out of it than enjoying it. There is way too much blogging about blogging and I hate that. It's quite apparent she is a traffic whore. But, she is losing readers. Leesa, concentrate on writing what you know and what you find interesting and you might get more and keep more readers. Trust me! Besides, you said yourself that BE is a waste of time. So why are you still on it? I do somewhat like the footnote idea. But the strange characters that seem to replace the apostrophe in words bugs me. I don't know if it's a browser thing, but it's annoying. The only thing that is clear and entertaining is her erotic short stories. However, it's still a source of wonderment. Are these true? (the ones where a disclaimer on top is not written stating it's true or partially true?) Are they just fantasy? She eludes rather clearly to the fact that she was unfaithful to her husband and these short stories of hers could certainly be true considering that fact. If they are then I feel sorry for her family. We are all human and make mistakes, especially when we are younger but this goes way beyond that. See, there is blogging truthfully and eloquently about your past mistakes and how you may have learned from them. Then there is blogging about your mistakes in an entertainment form that gives men hard-ons and makes you look like a slut. But I'm juss sayin'. I just hope the stories are fiction. (except for the ones that took place at a younger age and she was SINGLE)

In summation: I'm confused and bored annoyed. The short erotic stories are definitely arousing... but I just read it the whole time thinking, "please be fantasy!"

Rating 1 out 10 - (1 point for a clean template)

Long, Slow Beautiful Dance

Everyone, meet Laci of Long, Slow Beautiful Dance.
Laci, meet everyone.

First Impression: I clicked on her link, and when her site came up, I immediately liked the colors. I know I hate green most of the time, but this is more of a turquoise/aqua blue/green looking page, and it works. I know I've read this blog before, and I think this template might be fairly new.

Template/Navigation: I love her template! It's very pretty, very feminine, and very "cool." I guess thats the word that comes to mind when I look at her page. "COOL." I can't explain it any other way. It's soothing, relaxing, and easy to read. I think the color of the post area, or the "body" could be a shade or two lighter since the text is black, but its not horrible.

Content: As I usually try to get to know the blog I'm reviewing, I always like to check out their "100 Things" list... you should all definitely go read hers, and then go read 50 more things about Laci. It took me a little ways down the list to figure out how old this girl/lady/woman is, because at first I was confused as to if she's a teenager or an adult. I finally noticed she mentioned something about 1995 was the end of her sophomore year, so I can assume she graduated in 1997, and that would put her in her late twenties... 28 or so?

Laci seems like a lot of fun, and seems very down to earth and her blog matches her personality to a 'T.' We share a lot of the same obsessions, pet peeves, and general likes and dislikes. It's a blog I could read on a regular basis, and I'm not confused by a shitload of various people being mentioned that I have to keep track of like I'm watching a soap opera. You can jump into this blog at any given time, and not feel lost. Many blogs almost seem to require reading back through months of archives to find out what's being talked about TODAY. Laci isn't like that. She's short and sweet, to the point, and makes her opinion known without lots of lengthy "fluff."

Clutter: I am crushing on her sidebar right now. I have always wanted to know how to do that with the headings and the hidden information under them, but have never learned how to do it. Too bad all blogs can't be like this one! It's very simple and neat, and it scores big points with me. You're my blog idol, girl!

Would I Return? Yes. As long as she continues to avoid the PPP-like sponsored ad shit, I'll be back. I was a little worried that she was falling into the abyss of blogs that take a crap when they start whoring themselves out, but she has "Whoring" as her category for that crap, and so far, I see nothing in there-- yet. Keep it up, Laci!

Rating: 7 out of 10

Slainte - It's only me

Slainte - It's only me

First Impression - Well, damnit, I have to go look up what Slainte means in Irish. That is what I thought, but was intrigued since this is one very Irish girl you have here :) It means Good Health. It is a term used when toasting someone. So that means her title basically says "Good Health - It's only me"

HUH? Okay, I can accept that it doesn't make sense. In fact her blog address is much better suited, but hey, what do I know?

Template - It's green! Now, I know Diva Dee has a problem with a green blog, but this Irish girl loves it - for the most part :) I love the Celtic cross because it is beautiful, and I love the header. I don't love the sidebar, but what's new about that?

Wait, back up a second... on the sidebar I found the meaning of Slainte and what it means to her. She used to say to her mother when she called "Hi, It's only me" so it hold a special place in heart I suppose. Okay, okay, I give in, it makes sense now.

The side bar is for lack of a better word atrocious. Is that too strong? She has all sorts of cute pictures and so forth but then it gets to be a mess. She has all sorts of blogs that are under different titles so she basically has hundreds of blogs listed, and then all these yucky (yes, I said yucky) little boxes of blog ratings and just general crap. Wait, I found more blogrolls. How many do you really need? C'mon, you're telling me you read all this? Nope, no way, no how.

Content - Interesting, in a travel journal type of way. Sure, there are some personal tidbits but way more informational posts. If I wanted to read information I would go read an encyclopedia. That isn't to say that some won't find this interesting, I just don't. I was hoping for more in-depth crap, not just crap in general. I know that is being mean, but hey... no one ever accused me of being nice :)

In Summation - It needs the right type of audience, and quite frankly, most people aren't the right kind of audience. Throw in some stuff about you my dear! That is what people want! You have a good writing style, try using it for good :)

Rating - 4 out of 10

Miss Misery Smiles

Miss Misery Smiles - I can feel the insecurities and pimples of my teens emerging. Fuck.

First Impression: "Dude is wearing pink lipstick. Really." That shade is so not his color. Aside from that, love the header picture.

Template: It's actually quite nice. The header pic is large but visually appealing. The colors work well (except for dude's lipstick) and it's easy to read. The sidebar is clean and not littered with bullshit. While that may seem like just an ordinary statement to most of you, check this... this is a 17 year old's blog! Hold up! WHU! Where are all the fucking blinky-dinky buttons and MySpace links and all that other annoying horseshit? That's right, they don't exist! Girl, I don't give a shit if you have 2 heads, a hairy back and sound like Little Richard (it's ok that you don't know who he is, most of the readers will), thank you for being a non-conforming teenager! That alone scores huge points with me. Moving on, despite my intense love for things unseen in this template, I must say that I abhor stationary backgrounds and movable blog bodies. Anyone out there that knows what the correct terms are for this incredibly annoying template design, please inform and don't fucking mock me for not knowing. Everything with this template is pleasing to me, except the stationary background. I don't know why, but I find it disturbing and juvenile. Also, your background is so default-standard that it takes away from the greatness of the rest of the blog template. Lastly, yes, yes I DO like the post separator hearts. They are sweet without being vomit-cute.

Content: This is the part that makes the angst of my teenage years rise up from the dark recesses of my mind and horrify me once again only to be thankful that I am NOT that teenager anymore. As she states in her profile, she is 17. She also claims to be sarcastic with a chip on her shoulder. Yes, yes she is. However, there is a sense of maturity in those characteristics and it's actually more refreshing than the mall-hopping, lip-gloss whore types that I'm used to seeing. But, she is still 17 and I had to try very hard to read this blog objectively. See, normally, at the mere site of a profile that states "I'm 17" I run away. I run away screaming "GOD PLEASE! NO! MAKE THEM STOP!" This time I wasn't able to do that. I was forced to read because the boss made me. (do you realize she actually whips us into submission and forces us to paint her toes along with doing these blog reviews? it's horrifying). Anyway, I read and read as much as I could. I did notice that she is pleasantly mature for 17. She may struggle at this age but she seems to at least be rebellious enough to stand out on her own two feet and not conform to what the "cool people" think should be and yet not get herself into trouble like true rebels can. I am disturbed by her father letting her drink last year, but hey, I'm not her parents. I saw a few posts that hinted at health issues for her related to her legs and some mentions of surgery but I could not find anything specific. What I would like to see is a clear and easily accessible bio link in her sidebar. I guess I just like to get an idea of a blogger's background thru a small bio. Her archives are rolled up and simple but you have to go thru each post to hunt for things. There are no categories to guide you.

In Summation: She is a teen blogger but there is more to her than that. Her posts are somewhat inconsistent in that some are mature and showcase her "take no shit" attitude and others are very "teen-like". She has it all, boy problems, school issues, friend problems and it seems like she has to add a lot of doctor visits into her mix. Teenage-hood is never easy... never. I hate being reminded of my years and actually strongly dislike teenagers, even when I was a teen I still disliked them immensely. So reading her blog can be a turn off if you are over the age of 25 and don't give it a chance. I for one don't want to be transported back into the difficult, hormone-laden, confusion of adolescence so reading a teen written blog isn't on my to do list. But in all fairness, if you are going to read one, this would be the one read. She isn't your typical teen, and that's refreshing.

Just a few things honey, smile a little more, for real, not just to hide your pain. Boys suck and you won't find true love in high school so just accept it. And finally most girls are superficial bitches at that age and you seem to be the lucky girl that already knows that. You have know idea how far ahead the teen game you are. Real life isn't high school... it's still out there. Good things are coming.

Rating 5 out of 10 - (it's not exactly bombshell reading or entertainment.. but she deserves points for the effort and for being herself without making readers ill)

Circle of the Muses

Ruby Lou, another blog with "muses!" Can you believe it?

Here we go with "Circle of the Muses", a 40-something gal from the east coast. According to her tag line, its "A personal blog about totally random things. I'm just a little bit Absinthe-minded!"

First Impression: Green background, green header, green font, green frog, green 'muses'... I'm think my face is starting to turn green with nausea. I truly expected a leprechaun to jump out at me and ask me if I wanted some Lucky Charms. Top o' the fucking morning to ya, my lassie!

Template/Navigation: I think I've said it already. Green, Green, Green.

I do not like GREEN BLOGS and ham.

I do not like them, Sam I am!

I will not read them on a train,

I will not read them on a plane.

I do not like GREEN BLOGS and ham!

You get the idea... perhaps her drinking too much absinthe while blogging is not such a good thing. I'll admit I had to look up the word "absinthe" in the dictionary. I was thinking it was some kind of alcohol and it turns out I was actually right! I think I need a drink to get me through the rest of this review, so pass some absinthe my way.

Content: Let's hope her content is her saving grace, because so far, the template is not doing it for me. She claims its a personal blog about random things, and her content definitely fits that description! ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE.

She mentions a little about her shopping incident at Steinmart recently, and how the fitting room clerk was a total bee-yotch. Then, at the end of the email she adds a little note "after some reconsideration" and took back all the mean things she said. Stand your ground, dammit! If you had a bad day, tell us about it! If the lady was a total ho-bag bitch, tell us! Don't be all wishy-washy! Don't back down! Don't "reconsider"... you made excuses for her being rude. Pffftttt. Whateva!

I guess the best way for me to describe my experience with this blog?? I'm bored. Just plain bored. It's not that all her writing is boring. There are some good posts scattered throughout the green-ness. But I just don't know if its enough to keep me glued to the screen to see what's coming next. I assume this is a blog she writes for "in real life" family and friends, as well as those of us strangers out in the internet world. There's one problem with that, though. She very casually mentions people by name-- people I have no clue as to who they are or if they are even people (dogs? imaginary playmates? your collection of Hummel figurines you've given names to?). Are they neighbors or your kids or your co-workers? I have no fucking clue. And frankly, I really don't like being clueless. Another reason I don't care to read much more of this blog. I just don't know who the hell anyone is!

Clutter: There really isn't any. The plain green background really could be improved with a little bit a' clutter. Blogroll is ok, not too long yet. Archives could be rolled up, but they aren't out of control yet.

Would I Return? Um, not likely. It's not my cuppa tea. Or absinthe.

Rating: 3 out of 10

Charles The Technician

Charles The Technician

First Thought: Why me? OH DEAR GOD, WHY ME!!!!!! This was honestly my first thought as I opened this blog. Why can't I get a blog that I just absolutely love? Ok, maybe I've gotten a few of these but not as many as I want. I want people to have great templates, words that make you ponder and laugh at the same time, and I want people not to have black backgrounds on their blogs! Is that too much to ask for? I think not!

Template: Could you tell that this one has a black background? With a lightening header. Wow, it just bowled me over, what about you? (Insert sarcastic snicker here) You can say he is very orderly at least. The sidebar is "just so" with the letters being way to small for my "I'm getting to old to see" eyes, but everything looks so proper (read boring)

Content: Jeesh, I realized I didn't even get sucked in enough to read one word as I was typing this. Usually I have already read at least one post, but nothing pulled me in enough to even bother. So here I go (reading, reading, reading). LMAO!! Oh my, I am so thrilled! So completely happy I could cry.

THIS GUY IS FUNNY!

Oh, I love you, I really do. It turns out he is a computer technician that regularly does a post called "Idiot of the week". He then relays conversations he has had with people about email servers, or fixing laptops or whatever they can't seem to do that day. You should read some of these idiot ones, these people are fucking stupid! Either way, I just spend a good 20 minutes going through archives looking for idiot of the week posts, and I spent a good portion of that time laughing. Read this one, this one, and this one because it is both nasty and funny at the same time.

What I'm not so happy about is the fact that he doesn't update nearly as much as he should! I want more idiot stories!!

In Summation: Looks can be deceiving and I for one can admit when I was wrong. I'm still not going to give it a great rating because mostly I would just immediately move onto the next blog if I saw the template, but I do have to say I will be saving it to my bloglines!

Rating - 6 out of 10

(Often) Pedantic Musings

(Often) Pedantic Musings - A world where women is spelled "womyn"

First Impression: I want to hate the template. I really do. But I can't quite do it. It's boring (and that is a common theme here) but it's not abusive to my eyes. I'm indifferent to it (also a common theme here). Oh look, a blog with the word "musings" in the title. Now there is some originality. Pedantic? Ok, that's good. That word has pulled commonality of the title out of the proverbial blogosphere gutters of crapdome.

Template: Read above. I just don't fucking care.

Content: Well, I'm not sure what to say about the content. My creative juices are sitting on the shelf with my good mood for today. They want to be left alone and it the wake of their absence what is left is a cranky, indifferent and lifeless shell of the person I was yesterday. But, I digress, this isn't about me. It's about her. And, speaking of her, and her content... I fucking hate that she uses so many links in her posts. I don't care what the reasons are and if there is actually a good reason, it bugs me. It's a major distraction from the post. It's like driving down the road and catching every fucking red light. When I hit a link, I don't want to click on it and break my stride of reading, but sometimes you have to in order to understand the reference. Well, you know, a lot of other bloggers manage just fine or find a way to make those references without disrupting their posts. I say, use hyperlinks in your posts only when necessary. And most of your shit isn't necessary. Now, lets get started on the word "womyn". Why? Is there a particular reason for this? Is it a shameless attempt of attracting Googlers who miss spell the word so they get transported to your pedantic world of musings? I have a hard time believing that your obvious incorrect spelling of the word 'women' is an accident because your intelligence precedes you. Regardless, yet again, it fucking bugs me. The rest of the content is humdrum but intelligent. I tried reading it objectively today despite my foul mood, but I am not sure I succeeded. In my defense, I read this blog last week when it was first assigned and my mood was more elevated and I didn't care for it then, either.

Sidebar: Yep, she's got one. It's clean. That's a plus.

In Summation: Blah blah blah, yada yada yada. It's a blog... she has a few readers... good for her. People won't be flocking to her in droves, but that's cool. She is who she is and shouldn't change for anyone, let alone a bitchy blog reviewer like myself. This blog is just more suited for that target audience of the intelligent, modern and independent coffee-house genre like herself.

Rating 5 out of 10 - (because I just don't care either way... so we meet in the middle)

We've made some changes!

As you can see, the new template is done!

A HUGE THANKS to Temptation Designs for helping us out! She came highly recommended from some of our readers, and we were more than satisfied with what she did for us!

What's your opinion? Love it, hate it?



Edited to add:
P.S. Ruby Lou just likes the way her bodacious ta-tas appear in the pic, and I'm quite pleased with the mere perkiness of mine!

(So...is it just me or does anyone else think our boobies look extremely pointy in the header pic?)

Volatile Lunacy

What better way to start off a new week than by checking in on a little Volatile Lunacy?

In comes Delilah Moon, Miss Volatile Lunacy herself, and my first impression is-- red, red, red, everywhere red. And I like it.

Let's begin, shall we?

Template/Navigation: Wasn't this the blog that used to have the header of the red stilettos on it? My 2-cents worth-- I like this one better. Still lots of red, and its totally working for this lady, because it seems to match her fiery personality. Very nice and neat blog you've got going on. Its a free WordPress theme/template, get the picture? People, take it from Miss Delilah Moon here-- you don't have to settle for a boring standard template! There are plenty of free templates out there to go around!

Content: First of all, I will be mailing you a sign to wear across your "Whale Ass" that says "Exit Only - Do Not Enter." That will be sufficient enough punishment for your husband.

And, I know exactly what you mean about working in an office full of women. Petty, catty bullshit, and lots of it. Been there, done that.

Damn straight, this girl has got grit. She's funny, full of smart-ass attitude and quick wit. She manages a home, a family and a career and still manages to find time to keep this blog up. I don't see any posts full of meaningless drivel either. She's always got something to say and like the old EF Hutton commercials-- When Delilah talks, people listen!

But honey, where the fuck are your archives? I see links to the five previous posts on the sidebar, but no archives? Do I really have to click on each individual category to read past posts? I don't like that, because I need order. Chronological order, that is. A new reader would have a hard time catching up if their only choices were to click on are things like "childrens of the corn" or "Everyday Bullshit."

If I was an everyday reader, I could maybe keep up a little better. I'm just sayin'...

Clutter: Not much of it here. A blogroll that eventually will need to be shortened, but since she's got nothing else in her sidebar, it's probably OK as is.

Would I Return? Yes, probably. Again, this would be another blog to read through a feed, so I can keep the posts in order if I missed a few days.

Rating: 7 out of 10

Yokooso

Yokooso

First Impression: WTF?? Why does this happen to me? Why the hell do I get the blogs that don't load, are overloaded with pictures, and are generally sucky. Just my freakin' luck huh? Ok, first, I don't even know what the fucking name of the blog is. I assume it is Yokooso but who the hell knows. Is it a photo blog? It is an autobiography as she says that it is? All I know is that I have DSL extreme and it took me almost 1 1/2 full minutes to load the pictures, and it was slow. 19 images remaining... 18 images remaining... 17 images remaining... ACCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

Template: Oh Jeesh, I can't even begin to make sense of this. A bright blue sky with the moving type of template above it. HATE IT! I hate the thousands of pictures on the posts, on the sides, anywhere she wants. Again, I say WTF??? Condense that shit - puleez! I can't deal with it. If you are going to have (wait, let me count), 18 pictures within the 2 posts and the sidebar then find a program (they are free) that can do something to make the pictures load easier. I'm so befuddled by the template I can't think of the name of the program or what the hell its called, but google it.

Content: Yeah, like I said, there were 2 freakin' posts on the page and then blank and empty space. The posts were about Vo5 - you know the hair conditioner, and snow. Not something you need to read, believe me. I could have gone to the archives to see if there was some semblance of a life there, but I didn't feel like waiting to watch it all load.

Would I return?: Are you fucking kidding me? Not even if someone said that I could never have a Big Mac again in my entire life unless I read her blog. Hell no - see ya McDonald's!!

*EDIT* I wrote this on Feb 28th when she had a full month of posts (all 3 of them) but now it brought up only March's posts (1 of them) so it doesn't take sooooooo long to load because she hasn't posted an insane amount of pictures yet. Lucky us.

Rating - Well since Diva Dee had her first 10, I think it is only fitting to give my first 0 - So, 0 out of 10

Misheru

Misheru - Warning, may cause drowsiness.

HERE YEE HERE YEE! Lend me your ears eyes so that I may boldly claim that I hate the following blog! Yes, it has happened! I digress, hate is a strong word. Allow me to rephrase and instead claim my intense discontent for this following blog.

First Impression - "What the fuck is that header picture?" That was all I could think of and it set the tone for the rest of the torture reading.

Template - What template? It's a fucking white piece of web paper with a crazy-ass picture on the top of it. At least it's clean and organized. Props for that.

Content - No it does not get any better here. Oh look, she is a pay per post blogger. Whoopity-doo! Alright, far be it from me to judge bloggers because they choose to try to get paid to write blog entries. But seriously, $4 to $6 dollars per post? Is that really worth whoring yourself and time out there? No it's not. Fuck, why don't you just answer the envelope stuffing ads in the newspaper. It's just as legit and you'll probably make more money. Blog because you enjoy it, not because you can get paid for a post here and there. It turns people off (ok most people) and turns your blog into an advertisement instead of a personal journal that has meaning. I couldn't even make it through the blog. I looked at some pictures, read a few posts and my eyes glazed over as if I were stoned (and I honestly wish I were, instead of reading this blog). Sorry, but there was nothing that made me laugh, made me wonder or even came remotely close to holding my interest.

In Summation - Run away. Run far far away.

Rating 2 out of 10 (2 points for neatness... because neatness counts)