Bluepaintred

Bluepaintred

Just so you know I've been on a bit of a hiatus - so watch out!! The lucky winner today that gets my review is Bluepaintred.

First Impression: What is up with that name?? It could be Blue Paint Red, but no... they want to put it as Bluepaintred... huh?? I'm already confused, wtf??

Template: It is a free blog template which I have to admit is better than the standard, but I see this one around so damn much that I'm sick of it. It is so damn girly, flowery, and generally makes me want to puke. Pink, green, light blue... huh, what happened to Blue and Red? If you are going to have a title with colors in it, then try and go for a template with those colors. Doesn't that make sense or am I just a color freak? The sidebar is okay, nothing much to report here. A little out of balance but I'm sick to death of bashing everyones sidebar. No one cares anyhow.

Content: Whew! It gets better - thank god!! I think she has some sort of sex fetish because on the first page she has posts that include the words pussy and penis. Hard up anyone? Still upon reading the posts I found a lot of humor and general wittiness. The post "If pets kept diaries" is hysterical, but that is because I own a cat. If you aren't a cat person just skip it. Just skip the comics too, they don't make any freaking sense. But if you can get past the crap you'll find a really funny blog. Just overlook a helluva lot to get there.

Clutter: There isn't any so give the girl an extra point for that!

Would I return: Sure, why not. Maybe if I keep looking at the horrible template then I will lose some weight from vomiting over and over again. Give the girl another point!

Rating - 5 out of 10 (Great content, bad template)

TwentySomethings

Can today's review get any better than yesterday?

Yes, I'm doing two reviews in a row... maybe I'm just saving all the bad ones for Ruby Lou. She seems to love 'em all, doesn't she?

A warm welcome to TwentySomethings from New York! She's the next blogger to sign up for the ass-shreddings and general floggings we give out here. Yesterday I gave out the first TEN, and she'll be a tough act to follow! Think this one can handle the pressure?

My first impression was that of HUNGER. My stomach growled as I realized this page is chock-full of yummy treats. Chocolate is my weakness, and you've chosen a worthy bribe to get my attention. Chocolate bars...yummy-- and is that a GUMMY WORM I see over there, too? And Jelly Belly's? Mmmmmmmmm.....

Template/Navigation: I like the template, although I think the candies in the background are a little too overwhelming. It's supposed to be a background, some wallpaper, but its not supposed to overpower the entire screen. I like the idea of it, though.

The one thing I truly hate about this site? Every time you click on anything in her archives it opens in a new window! I was reading back through her posts, and I literally had SEVEN windows open all at once. That's a good thing to have for outgoing links, but I'm just navigating through one measly site. I don't want a fuckton of windows opening all over my screen. Fix that, and quickly. A 3-column template (which I swear I will try to stop complaining about in the future) is annoying. This time, the 3-columns aren't cluttering up the page, but the space for your actual blogging is so narrow, it's hard to see past the candies to get to what you're writing. Other than that, rolled up archives, short blogroll...check and check.

An FYI --your link for "Read it. You'll thank me" on your home page does not work-- or at least it doesn't for me. Anyone else have this problem?

Content: Let's start off with my favorite post. So true, so very fucking true.

She has a roommate that locks her out, a guy across the hallway in her apartment building that just might be dead, and she has this major gripe about men that don't wear a coat even when its 50 below outside. Yes, that would be MY husband you're seeing. He refuses to wear a coat. It must be a sign of virility, a sign of strength, a sign of manliness...

Nah, he's just an idiot.

On to more... I definitely am not a fan of centering all the text in your posts.. makes me feel like I am reading a poem or something. Sometimes its OK to center a paragraph for one reason or another, but in my humble opinion, its harder to read. And not to be a total NAG, but when viewing your archives, there is about a 12-inch gap between the title of your posts and the content. Annoying as hell. I got tired of reading through the archives for this reason alone.

With that being said, maybe I missed the endings to a lot of things going on in your life, so forgive me. I hope you eventually caught that mouse that was terrorizing you and your roomie. And I love Ryan Gosling just as much as you do. I've been crushing on him ever since first seeing him in "The Notebook." I'm bummed he didn't win the Oscar, cuz he could have gotten it on looks alone.

And btw, don't change your hair color-- I love it.

Overall, the content is good - hilarious, actually. This twentysomething has a lot to say about life in the big city. I laughed out loud several times, and there's some great writing in there. BUT -- sometimes I couldn't tell if I was laughing more at what she was saying or at the fact that I had 25 windows opened on my screen at one time. I'm not OCD like Ruby Lou, but I was starting to get a little sweaty, as the blog was taking over my computer,. I felt like I had lost all control. MAKE IT STOP!

Clutter: Unless you count the sweet, yummy, calorie-laden goodies in the background, there really wasn't any.

Would I Return? Maybe. If I was going to come back, I would read this through a feed so I wouldn't have to deal with the quirky bugs in the template coding---just give me the writing.

Rating: 5 out of 10

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

As I start looking through the list of blogs on our "Waiting List" I think to myself...

Are we ever going to find a blog that's a total ZERO or a perfect TEN? Could this be the day?

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Oh, Miss DaisyJO from O-hi-O (a poet and she didn't know it!)-- the first thing I noticed when I opened her page was that her first post referenced "The Shawshank Redemption." That immediately made me like her right off the bat because I've seen the movie and read the book, and I loved both. Great first impression you've made on me, my dear!

Template: I like LOVE it. The daisies in the background are a little blurry, but that totally helps it be not quite so obnoxious, and definitely goes with the title. I'll go ahead and add the "Clutter" part of the review right here, because there just isn't any! A very clean page, nothing annoyingly taking my attention off what she has to say. No ads, no mile-long blogroll (only 8 links!). A few books she likes/recommends, and that's about it! Just a refreshingly "neat as a pin" blog. Not a template I would have picked but its better than BLACK or WHITE.

Content: She puked on her pastor's shoes when she was younger! Need I say more? A touching story, and it made me smile. She has quite the way of telling a story-- very descriptive, and I feel like I can relate to what she's trying to say. Some might think she's a little wordy, but I've never been one for 2 or 3 sentence posts. (Can you tell from this site? We're WORDY with a capital W!) She's got a great mixture of humor and in-depth writing.

After reading the first page of her site, she's captured my attention. I decided to check out her "100 Things" post. Everyone does these now, don't they? I enjoy reading them, and it is usually one of the first things I look at when stumbling onto a new blog. Girl, you're a lefty just like me, and I will surely be calling you to set up an appointment for you to come paint my living room, since you enjoy it so much!

I read through several months of her archives (internet dating and all), and she has a great way of using past experiences to tell a story of what's going on in her life now. Like I said already, she's very detailed in telling her side of things, and I read through her posts with baited breath to see what she would say next. A great insight into her life, and I was impressed.

My comments to DaisyJo:

• I totally understand your fetish with office supplies, because I am exactly the same way.
• We should all have a "Great Good Friend" like your Rick.
• My personal Kryptonite is my daughter's pout
• I had better damn well be invited over the next time you do THIS or THIS--- PLEASE!

Some of my favorite posts... Here, here, and here... there's more, but I've put enough damn links in this review already!

Navigation: I'm so getting rid of this category...

Would I Return? Girl, you've already been added to my daily reads. I will most definitely be back. I notice you don't have many comments from readers on your site, so maybe its not very well known?

People, do me a favor. Go visit her, and leave her a comment if you like what she's got to say.

I'm feeling particularly happy today, and I'm going to continue reading this blog for a while to occupy my time. Assuming I won't find anything remotely crappy about this blog, I'm going to take a grand step and make this blog my first.

My first ten.

Rating: 10 out of 10. (I'd give the content alone a 12 actually, but 10's the highest I can go.)

You knew it would happen eventually, right?

So we're trying the rental thing...

Go check out our renter today... he'll be here for a week. He's got some funny shit to say, and maybe he'll let us give him a good spanking review?

Go click on him... click him, baby... over on the sidebar.

Shouting out to the masses

"So Many Blogs, So Little Time" is in need of some help.

Not psychiatric help, as you might think.

We're looking for a very creative and talented person to design a new template for us.

We admit-- if we're going to be reviewing blogs based on their templates, we should probably have a template of our own that rocks, as well!

If you or someone you know would be interested in designing something for us, email us and let us know. You will be shamelessly plugged on our site and your name will be shouted from the rooftops should you be able to help us out. We will sing your praises, we will pat you on the back, we will worship the ground you walk on.

Yeah, and we'll pay ya too.

******** Also, on another note. When you make a comment on a post, Blogger will ask you to do the usual word verification thing. Please make sure it actually says your comment is accepted before closing the window. Blogger is a little testy, and sometimes makes you enter the word verification TWICE. I've received a few emails indicating people have made comments and they aren't showing up. We do not delete comments, so if you have one thats not showing up, it's probably because Blogger sucks, and for now, we'll have to put up with it.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming!

Canadutch

Canadutch - It's somewhere near Timbucktoo, I think.

First Impression: The template is an obsessive compulsive person's dream!!! Therefore I'm in LOVE! Now, it's not a template I would ever choose for my own blog but as a blog to read, oh dear lord it's amazing.

Template: The colors are bold and vivid and the organization would make Monk so proud! Since I am Monkish and reviewing this site, that makes me very proud! Her categories across the top under the header are interesting and I actually went through them all. The sidebar is neat and tidy and contains your non-typical sidebar blather which I found it enlightening and a breath of fresh air! I just don't have any complaints, yet.

Content: This is where I get bored. The main content is sleep-inducing. I could only make it through a few posts. It appears she loves turtles. Cool. I have no complaints on that... but it's not a blog about turtles.... so I'm not looking for posts involving turtles. If I wanted to hear about turtles I would turn on the Discovery Turtle Channel. All turtles, all the time. Wait, that channel doesn't exist because turtles are BORING! Granted, hers are cute and I will never fault someone for loving a little pet such as this... it's just not my cup of tea. With that said, I am very sorry for the loss of Cupid. Since she loves her turtles so much, I am sure losing one hurts.
Now, the categories across the top is what I liked the most. Since she is a Canadian living in a foreign country, she has a category for each country. In it she describes each of her "homes" very well including maps. I LOVED this! It provided great insight into each country and showcased her personality very well. Blogs are personal and people want to really know you through a blog and she encompasses that idea quite well. Then there is a "SPATS" category dedicated to marital fights. I wanted to hate this category. I wanted to roll my eyes and think, ok, this is stupid. Then, I read it. Actually, I found it funny and enjoyed the non-typical aspect of it! Just so she knows... Whites DO get washed in hot water, shorts and wool socks should NEVER mix, sit to wipe and fix the dog.

Sidebar: Today, this gets its own category because I love it so. There are no weather pixies, gigantic blog rolls, stupid flashing buttons and other annoying bullshit. Instead, she organized her search and archives well. She has created a movement against auto-play music on blogs (THANKYOUVERYMUCH) and she is an avid reader and simply likes to share her books, shows and movies of choice in non-threatening and overbearing manner. Good to know! I hope you get that camera you lust after as well. It's nice. If I was rich I would send it to you as a gift for having such a well organized and interesting blog! But I'm not rich, so you aren't getting it.

In Summation: Aesthetically it's wonderful, organizationally (yeah, it's a fucking word because I just said it is) it's amazing and it's very interesting. Her content is a bit boring but that is small fries compared to all the other good shit she is offering. The bottom line is she knows what a blog is all about. She really lets you know who she is and she isn't afraid of being herself. She gives you great insight to what her life is like. She is leading a very interesting life and yet she is very relateable at the same time. And, because of her, I now know that I never want to live in Dutchland. They have funny toilets and don't eat gravy. What the fuck is that all about?

Rating 8 out of 10 - I swear to God, there WILL be a blog I hate very soon!

Whatever Blows my Skirt...

Whatever Blows my Skirt - but is she wearing underwear? That is the million dollar question.

First Impression: Shades of green, soothing, great header pic... it's promising! So far so good.

Template: See above. They say green is the most soothing color on the eyes, that is why pool tables and poker tables are generally green. Well, that is what I was told eons ago anyway. So, a greenish template like this makes me happy. There is an entire psychology in the use of color but I can't recall what emotions the color green brings out. But who cares, right? Anyway, the sidebar starts out so great; the artistic fonts of the categories, the cleanliness and organization is wonderful. Then, we soon discover she's a "gadget girl". We all know those gadget girls don't we? They are easily identified by the weather pixies and buttons galore in their sidebars. However, gadget girls need love too. Being a gadget whore does NOT make a blogger any less of a person. It's the TYPE of and USE of the gadgets that is important. This particular gadget girl has fairly cool gadgets. Well, ok, the weather pixie is not cool but I'm letting that slide because the rest of her template, sidebar and gadgets are ok. Furthermore, her gadgets are well organized for the most part and don't produce an insane amount of clutter. I know this because my anal retentive ass is not hanging a rope from my ceiling in preparation for my own hanging because I can't stand the clutter of her sidebar. On the contrary.... I'm perfectly fine with it.

Content: I am slightly annoyed by the color and font of the body but that's only because it doesn't quite match the theme of the template and it's so basic. However, with this color scheme, black is probably the only text color that would work. Maybe a new font would help. I just don't have any suggestions because I myself would have to play around with it until I found something that worked. But, it's a minor distraction and nothing I'm deducting points for. As for the actual content, she is a mom that has been through quite a few trials and is building a new life for her and her son. Gotta give her props for that! And you know what the coolest thing about her is.....she is NOT annoying!! Yes, she's a mommy blogger, dealing with hardships but she doesn't annoy the piss out of you! She's actually upbeat for the most part, doesn't partake in self pity, uses the word FUCK once in a while and she doesn't talk about the color of her son's daily poops! More props! Her latest post was quite funny but I must say the following things... Heroes rocks and is the best show ever... period. Owen Wilson is in DIRE need of a nose job and I didn't know Kate split from Black Crowes Hubby. Where have I been? And finally, Rob and Amber are the coolest and I have loved them since their FIRST stints on Survivor. They are my heroes. That is all.

In Summation: Great template, simple and jovial content, she seems like a very very nice person and one that would be fun to hang out with and I will definitely go back to keep up with her. I'm not exactly ok with her condemnation of Heroes and her use of the word "crap" in describing the show, but I will do my best to overlook that. Something has to be said for her 33rd place ranking and having over 24,000 visitors, right? Don't think I don't notice those things... obviously people like her! And, I can see why.

Rating 7 out of 10

Unseal My Lips

Unseal My Lips

First Impression: My very first thought was "Well you better seal mine because I'm going to say things that may tick someone off". Don't you just love when someone starts out a review like that???

Well, first it took a fuck-load of time to load. Even when it said it was done it would still stop and pause while yet another animation, picture, or do-dad would load while I was scrolling down. That annoys the crap out of me! Once I finally got to scroll without being stopped my impression was a bit better even if I did freak out a bit after reading the statement that she is a mommy to 5 - WOW! But then I was pissed because it seems like I'm only getting the mommy blogs to review lately. (This is where I whine uncontrollably until I start to feel better). That being said, I'm still going to give it a fair and unbiased review based on the blog and not the many children it probably involves.

Template: I love the header! I'm a big fan of red so it was nice to see something simple and colorful, even if it did have a bit of a teenage look to it. But I still loved it. I liked the title, I liked pretty much everything of the "general" template. Now - lets move onto the sidebar. I should put this into the category of clutter... wait, let me do that because this is a VERY large part of this.

Clutter: O.M.G. Did someone say clutter? Oh wait, that was me. MY EYES, MY EYES!! I was overwhelmed by the amount of unorganized crap that was put on this sidebar. By now you should know I'm like the Gestapo of side bars so the fact that I would get this one to review is very, VERY unlucky for Shoshana. Holy Crap Batman, this was the mother of all sidebars. The crap went all the way to the bottom of the template! Message centers, podcasts, books, music, movies she saw , books she read - 16, I repeat 16 of them and it's only February, miles she ran, movies at home, blog archives, links, a list of recent comments, counters, and finally - FINALLY - the pictures that go with all these titles. I can't even speak I am so taken aback. Really, utterly taken aback. I can only give advice here, I can't even begin to explain it all. There is a little thing called rolling up your sidebar. I suggest you look into it. You managed to roll up your links, you can certainly roll up the other crap. No one needs to know all 16 books you read. No one needs to read in big letters all the recent comments, no one cares to see big pictures of the books, music, and other things you are doing right now. Put it in separate posts and link to that if you have to - JUST MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY!

Content: It was good. Not overly fantastic, but definitely good for a personal blog. There was the typical Wordless Wednesday, Thursday Thirteens, memes, and some information about her life and her kids. It bounced around, I couldn't find any running stories which I generally enjoy, but the posts were informative and I found humor in some of them. Generally this isn't my type of blog, I wasn't drawn in necessarily but I could see how others would be. You can tell by the amount of comments she has on them that people genuinely like her so that is a good thing! I just wish there was a little more depth to this blog - I felt like I was inundated with "stuff" that didn't really mean anything to me. It just didn't feel like I really knew her even when I loaded the archives (which took way too long again). Either way, it was good for some.

In Summation: I still can't get over the sidebar, but I'm really trying, I swear I am! I think a lot of people could enjoy this blog if they overlook the amount of clutter. Once that is cleaned up I think this writer could get a lot more people to stay... if it loaded just a bit quicker!

Rating - 5 out of 10

An Editorial Of Life

I hadn't checked this blog out until it came time to review it. A title like "An Editorial Of Life" led me to believe that it would be full of thought-provoking essays, an endless supply of witty prose. Then I thought to myself, what was it that she said in her email when she submitted her site? I can't remember... oh yeah, here it is:

BlogWhore has left a new comment on your post
"Who Wants To Be Our First?":

slap me, please. go ahead, take a shot. it might gain me some new traffic, maybe a few new visitors for your site. i think i'm going to regret this.

So, then I figured it would be a blog full of thought-provoking essays--but written by a "Blog Whore" who happens to also dabble a bit in S&M and bondage. Interesting.

I suppose I should just click on the link and start reading? Maybe take a chance at possibly getting tied up and tickled with a feather?

Ok, I'm supposed to be reviewing her blog-- here goes:

My first impression... An Editorial Of Life with a picture of BABY SNEAKERS on the header! NOW I know what it's going to be about! An Editorial of (Her Kid's) Life---not life in general.

"About the Author", according to her:

I am a twenty-something, new mother to an exuberant daughter, Maizie,and happily married to Joe. We live in rural Wisconsin in our new home that is more work than its worth. I work semi-part-time in government administration (licking stamps and collating); a gigantic step-down after five ambitious years in sales and marketing management. My hobbies include showering, going to the bathroom alone with the door shut and sleeping more than eight hours. No really, I enjoy the basics; tasty food, cheap wine, a book to escape and something inspiring to listen to.

Which leaves me wondering, are we related? Do we come from the same womb? Tasty food, cheap wine, and a book to escape? SISTAH we are so much alike!

Template: Interesting choice of titles. Maybe a better title would be "Mommies Are People, Too!" which happens to be probably my most favorite post in this blog. So, back to the template... it's white and burgundy. That's it. Period. End of story. Nothing to write home about, but its not giving me a headache either. It's just OK.

Content: As I've said before, a blog that can make me laugh out loud, especially if it involves projecting some kind of liquid out of my nose, ranks pretty damn high in my book. If you're looking for a FUNNY insight into this mom's life, you can pretty much any month in her archives, and get to reading! This girl has been through it all-- moving to a new house, having a baby, getting hit by Hurricane Katrina. She works, she runs her household, she obviously has a few other blogs from the sounds of it. I laughed with her, a few times I laughed at her, and I sympathized with her through her ultrasounds and other happenings in her life. She's a cool chick, and a force to be reckoned with.

FYI, your daughter is adorable!

Navigation: Why do we have this category? There's never much to report here. Note to self: Re-think the categories, because "Navigation" is fucking BO-ring.

Clutter: Nothing to speak of. A blogroll, past posts, archives that could stand a good shortening up of some sort, and some other minuscule things. A book I assume she's reading, a CD I assume she's jamming to now, and that's about it.

Would I Return? Yes, I will. I hate to sound like a broken record, and we've said this before. But this gal is someone that I could go sit and have a drink with, cheap wine or not--probably shooting said wine out of my nose, but that's just an excuse for me to refill my glass and sit and chat some more.

Rating: 6 out of 10 (the template is just not doing it for me)

Confessions Of A Stressed Out Mom

Confessions Of A Stressed Out Mom

First Impression: My first impression was seriously bad. BAD BAD BAD. First, let me just use these words... STANDARD BLOGGER TEMPLATE. If that wasn't bad enough, it was the one with the freakin' dots. You know the one, where you can't even look at the words the stupid dots are just staring at you saying "HA HA!" I couldn't stand it, it was killing me so I just skipped right to the content because there is NOTHING good I could say about this template.

Template: For those of you who didn't get the hint above, let me reiterate. It sucked. There is nothing good about it. I would rather slash my wrists then ever have to look at it again. Enough said.

Content: Oh crap...it went from bad to worse! Let me just give you a little preview of what you will see.

All totaled my savings via coupons and special store card savings added up to a total of $39.81 cents. I got a nice stock of meat & chicken in the freezer so I am sure that next week I won't have to purchase much if any meat. Out of our $125.00 grocery envelope we have $11.73 for the remainder of the week. That will be good if I need to stop for milk or something small.

I'm wasn't sure if it could get any worse, but somehow it did. I'm all for someone getting out debt, absolutely! But c'mon, is that all you can find to write about? Even the one semi-amusing post about using her credit card to clean off her ice packed car didn't make me laugh as it should. There is nothing funny, entertaining, or even remotely interesting about this blog. This is only my opinion of course, and she did seem to have some readers because a few of her posts had some decent amount of comments, but unless they are family I have no clue why they are reading it.

In summation: Great job getting out of debt - now get out of blog writing... and quick!

Rating: 2 out of 10

Mommy Needs A Martini

Mommy Needs a Martini

First Impression: Let me just start by saying, I love the name. I do not however love Martinis but it might have sounded a little "red neckish" if it said Mommy Needs A Beer so I can adapt :) The header of the picture - however cool it is - is freakin' huge! I mean, really huge! What is up with this? You sort of forget to scroll down you are so taken aback by the picture. But I can overlook this too, as the colors and the picture itself is really quite cool.

Template: Ah, I thought I was in heaven here! The sidebar is so wonderful it almost made me cry. So nicely organized, so easy to read, short but not too much so that you aren't able to figure out a little bit about her. Granted the titles aren't written so people can actually understand who they are reading, but I guess if you get her then you would understand. The bunnies? Ba-da Bing? That was so fucking money? I'm assuming the fact that she likes all these people but who knows right? The background is a bit of a open white space but the pink makes up for it.

Content: This is where it falls a bit short. I love that she writes short, easy to read posts, but I feel it lacks a bit of emotion. Some of the posts have very short, fragmented sentences so you sort of feel like she is talking to her best friend who would already understand her. Reading her for the first time you might feel like she left something out, but not altogether horrible. In fact some of the posts are really quite amusing! Especially the one where her son was given a school time-out for making kissy faces at the girls. What are schools coming to nowadays? But I digress...

In Summation: I genuinely felt like if I knew her that I would love her. There are a lot of posts about her boy but I think that is great, if you're into that thing. I personally am, so I'm okay with it. Lots of humor about being a parent and some really funny conversation with the hubs and son. It might need a bit more introspection but not everyone writes to spill their guts to the entire world, but once in a while might not be too bad. I think this girl has style and class and if she is ever available for shopping I am so there!

RATING - 7 out of 10

Space Monkey Pants

Space Monkey Pants - A man obsessed with cookies, barrel monkeys and Skor bar squares... bring on the fun!

First impression: Funny funny funny. I knew it would be funny from the title and was not disappointed when I started reading. The first post was about his father, whom everyone seems to be crushing on. Admittedly, I would totally spank his ass myself. The father that is. Or, he could spank mine. Either way it would be spankerific.

Template: It's simple, black, clean and has an adorable little monkey gracing the header. I want to hug him and squeeze him and make him my own... and call him George. Wait, there is already a cute monkey named George. I shall call him.... Mortimer. The sidebar is not cluttered and that makes me very very very very very very happy. VERY happy.

Content: Hilarious. Intelligent. Weird. Informative. It's pretty much all there. I enjoyed reading his posts and how he tells his tales. It just happens to be a type of "story delivery" that I find very amusing. He does seem to have some sort of mental incapacitation of zipping up his pants and he eats too many cookies but he's still worth reading. Don't misunderstand me though, I doubt he's a some fat pervert lurking in cyberspace. Skinny and sane blogger people love cookies and forget to zip up, too. Besides, he's married... to a pillar of strength no doubt. In fact, reading his reasons that he loves his wife makes me love her too.

In summation: This space monkey bastard has made me fall in love with his dad, his wife and a stupid cartoon monkey. Dammit all to hell! And furthermore, I love him. I do, I love him. I'll be going back for sure. It's possible that his blog is laced with some sort of cyber-potion that corrupts the reader's brain cells by using some sort of sonic waves, or it could just be that he's awesome. And I don't give out that moniker to just anyone. The only unfortunate thing is I could be gaining a reputation for being too nice and liking all blogs. I promise you, I don't like all blogs. I am pretty sure some shitty blogs will be coming in soon.

Rating 9 out of 10 (10 out of 10 is just a highly coveted number and may never be given out...)

I want a little sugar in my bowl

"I want a little sugar in my bowl...."

"Pooouuur some sugah on meee!" C'mon everyone, sing with me! You know you are thinking of the Def Leopard song... well, if you aren't then you'll at least have that song in your head for the rest of the day.

Actually, the first thought that popped into my head when I got this blog title in my "box-O-reviews" was my younger days of eating heavily sugared cereals. But that wasn't enough for me. I would actually add MORE spoonfuls of sugar to them so that it would all collect in the bottom of the bowl. When the cereal was gone I could scoop up a spoonful of milk and sugar and just eat it straight. What the hell was I thinking? Moving on....

First Impression: The template is awesome and now I have a secret crush on the raven-haired beauty gracing the header. Seriously, my first thoughts were "Awesome template and the chic is hot". But I'm not gay or anything... I just know how to appreciate hot, animated chics. You should too.... they don't get enough credit.

Template: As I stated, it's great. Simple as that. I have no complaints on the general look and layout. But, what kind of review would this be if I didn't complain, just a little. So, on with the nitpicking. The main page is too long. We are talking, standing in line with number 452 in your hand and yet they are only on number 10, long. Yeah, that's a bitch. The archives are in the sidebar organized by your typical month and year so why are all the posts on the first page? I don't know either. Then there is the sidebar.... It has the basic criteria I look for which is a brief description of the blogger, location and psuedo name or real name. See, I like to know a little about who I'm reading so those are things I like to see but it's also long, just like the body. It's somewhat cluttered but it's organized fairly well despite that fact. In my humble opinion, however, I think that the "recent sweetness" (recent posts) and the "sugar shack" (archives) need to be moved up and the "shameless sugar" and "show some sugar" should be below those. Just a thought.

Content: I'm not sure what to say about the content. I can't really say anything bad about it, but I can't rave about it either. It's just simple, sweet and prosaic. Wait a second! There is a post in there about giving away a free vibrator! WHA!? Holy crap! There is more in the sidebar about huge discounts on sex toys! For the love of God sign me up! So in between the children's accomplishments, upcoming birth of baby #3 and loving her amazing husband, she is selling off her dildo inventory. Yeah baby, yeah! I'm feelin' randy already! I'm thinking "Dildo's and Diapers" would be a great subtitle option but I'm sure she won't go for that. This isn't meant to be a negative connotation either... what woman doesn't love a good vibrator! And I happen to love the word "dildo". While I'm sure she would prefer people call them sex toys and all, I find a profound satisfaction in saying "dildo". I should start counting the number of times I have written "dildo" in this post. (5 times)

In Summation: Love the template, just shorten it up a bit. The content won't drive me away but it's not a blog I will be checking every single day because it's not that profound or exciting. But, if you want the hook-up for good vibrators, she's your girl! Well, for a limited time only, of course, she is closing the doors on the world of vibrators soon! HA! Not only are ya'll going to have the word dildo stuck in your head now but you'll be singing "Pour some sugar on me" by Def Leopard with visions of dildos dancing thru your heads! Awesome! Admit it, dildo is a great word.

Rating 7 out of 10

P.S - My best wishes to you and your family on the birth of your little girl. I assume she is either just born or will be any day now. Good luck and happy mothering!

Land of 2 Under 2

No more Ms. Nice Gal...

I saw the title of the next blog I have the pleasure of reviewing, and the title alone made me cringe.

Land of 2 Under 2.

*sigh* Really, is this what I have to read about? Someone with *gasp*-- toddlers? I said I wasn't going to harp on "mommybloggers" anymore, because I blog, and I'm a mommy, so technically I should put myself into that genre of writing also. But I blog as an escape from my ho-hum life, not to brag about my kids, right? RIGHT? Helloooooooo, Am I RIGHT? At least my kids can wipe their own asses now, so forgive me if I'm not enthused about reading about the trials and tribulations of being a mom of poop-assed booger-eating toddlers. Ew.

Template: The one good thing about this blog is the template. Emphasis on the ONE good thing. I've seen this blog before, and she used to have some weird fucking template with two big-ass birds on it, and I'm glad she changed it. This one is much better.

This is where the good things about the blog end. On with the massacre, my pretties.

Content: Let me just tell you, Ms. Elleoz-- you drew the short straw, girl. You get stuck with Diva Dee reviewing your site, and Diva Dee DON'T LIKE BLOG HO'S. (Diva Dee does, however, obviously like to refer to herself in the third person.) How do you know if you're a "BLOG HO" you ask? I'll tell ya. Twelve posts on your front page, and SEVEN of them--- FUCKING SEVEN -- were "Pay Per Post" ads... fuck that. That really should make me end this review right now, go pour myself a drink, and pop in a movie.

I swear to God. The first post I saw when I clicked on her site was titled "Hey Big Spender" and was promoting the great exciting orgasmic PAY PER POST opportunity! I'm getting wet just thinking about it. My nipples are actually getting hard thinking of all the cash I could earn whoring myself out for a few measly bucks a month. I could, like, buy myself a Happy Meal, and still have money left over to pay this little lady a couple bucks to stop blogging.

Sorry, hun. If I really wanted to read advertisements, I'll check out the "Spam" folder in my mailbox. Or I'll turn on my TV late at night and watch infomercials. But its just not worth losing my precious beauty sleep. I need it so I can stay awake long enough to read through your fucking blog. So what if you're getting paid? You've sold your soul to the PPP devil, and you ain't getting it back. That whole scam will go under just like every other seemingly "get rich semi-quick" crap does on the web. You wait and see.

Wait -- What was that you just said? You have other stuff besides sponsored ads?

Oh yeah, let me spend some time on that. I see a post where she's whining about not getting flowers on Valentine's Day. She even admitted it herself--titling her post "I AM AN IDIOT." At least she admits it. She hints around for flowers, because she hasn't gotten them in--like, for-EVER! So when Valentines Day comes around and all she gets is a card, chocolates and a CD, she reverts into a two-year-old tantrum like attitude. Her husband had actually gotten her flowers but was saving them for later, but ended up giving them to her sooner because of the fit she threw? Can we say SPOILED ROTTEN?

Overall, besides the occasional whining about something and the sponsored ads, this blog doesn't offer much else "content."

Navigation: S'ok. I'm still fuming about the Content part.

Clutter: It's not bad. Nothing to write home about, though. Decent blogroll, a list of her past renters. Move over to the OTHER sidebar (yes-- 3-columns, hold me BACK) and you'll see some sponsored ad buttons, her renter, and way down hidden towards the bottom is her archives. Dear, if you really want someone to delve into the mystery that is YOU, move the archives to a more prominent location. Basically, you're telling me that your PPP link is more important than what you've written. But if you're now writing for the almighty cha-ching I guess you aren't worried about that, eh?

Would I Return? That would be a big NO. I've seen too many people start out with a personal blog and a great future-- they get a cool template, start to get a regular following of readers, comments... Then, BAM!---they blow it all, losing readers that get tired of wading through all the crap, and are too tired to go out to the garage and grab themselves a shovel. Eventually, it just ends up being ALL crap...you're too busy writing about stuff you are getting paid to endorse, but you'll never really use yourself. Sorry my dear-- NO I won't be back.

Rating: 2 out of 10 (I gave her the 2 for her template.)

Radioactive Jam

Radioactive Jam: not for the dumbasses of the world, like myself.

Once I got the image of glowing green jelly erased from my head (nope, it's still there...shit) then I had to get past the fact that just the title alone tells me that this blog is over my head. So, how do I judge a blog fairly if I don't get it? Hmmmm, I don't! I just rip it to shreds! HA! Yeah! That's it! Let's just belittle and hate anything I don't understand! Isn't that the American way anyway? Hate what you don't understand!

Alright, well, I won't go that far. The little angel sitting on my right shoulder is yelling at me and telling me to be fair. Fine. FINE!!!

Template: It's a 3 column. While I never really understood the reasons for everyone hating 3 column templates, I guess they are a bit annoying. In this case, it's OK. It's clean and not cluttered with ads and bullshit. So he gets an A++ for that. The aesthetics is actually very fitting for his title and it looks good. It easy to read, easy to navigate and easy on the eyes. However, he gets a quadruple A++ for his archives tool. Holy shit that is the single coolest blog enhancement/tool I have ever seen. I wish EVERYONE could use that archive tool.

Content: {This is where the blog reviewer gets lost.} Some blogs are clear in their intentions... be it a statement of intent underneath their title, a description in their profile or even just the title itself. Then there are blogs like this that seem to be their own little private jokes that can only be shared with their personal friends or fellow MIT graduates. It's not like you can just open up this blog and fit right in, unless you are one of the two aforementioned people. Of course, this is just my stooooopid opinion. In reading this I guess I'm left with more of a "huh?" than an "AH-HA! THAT'S FUNNY SHIT". That is not meant to be negative, I just don't feel smart enough to keep reading. I'm sure if I dug deep, went back to the beginning and really got to know this person then I would have a much better grasp of the blog and it's content. The point is, I have no desire to do that because it didn't grab me initially. With that said I know the dude is funny and I enjoy his writing style. While I don't share his disdain for use of the word "impacted" in lieu of "affected" he is entitled to his opinion. They are like assholes, after all. Everyone has one. My disdain happens to lie with people that say "NucUlar" instead of "NuclEar"... including our almighty Commander in Chief and resident grammar and speech monkey. But that's neither here nor there.

In Summation: This blog is probably funny and entertaining to you if your IQ is over 140 (funny thing is my IQ test in high school said I was at 137...) and I would say go, run to it. Laugh and be merry. But do it without me. Maybe I'm just in a daze and needed to spend more time reading it, maybe I'm completely getting the wrong impression, but whatever it is, first impressions are everything and if I can't jump right in or at least wade around and then jump, I am not interested. This blog just needs a very specific type of reader... in my humble and stoooopid opinion. And I'm not that reader. But they do exist. At least, I think they do.

Rating 6 out of 10 (just to be nice and give the benefit of the doubt that it's probably funnier on a higher level than my head will allow me to go)

The Bad Girls Guide

I've been waiting to review this blog, because I've become a regular reader since she submitted it, and I'm glad it *finally* came up on the list.

I'm even more glad it happened to be MY TURN! Damn, I love it when life works out that way!

Bad Girls Guide:

What is this about? Here's what she has to say:

"This is a journal created by a woman for women. However, if you are a man in tune with your feminine side (or trying to get there), feel free to read on. It's mainly the stuff we talk about but that no one ever wrote
down. It's all the stuff in all those self help books that we read, all the stuff that should be said but aren't. This is just a venting spiel, about the idiosyncrasies of dating and how to make it better. "

Template: I've seen this one before. Actually, its a free template, and its one we almost used for our own little site here! (Sure glad we didn't-- we might be accused of infringing on the Copyright law or some other fucking thing.)

It certainly works better for her blog than it would have for ours, and definitely fits with her title. Doesn't that just scream "Bad Girl?" I sure damn well think so!

I love the peachy orange color - not too overwhelming and the brownish text actually works for this template. I normally don't go for any text color other than black, because once you add in links and other stuff, any other color tends to get too difficult to read. I stand corrected once again! This girl's got it goin' on!

Content: This blog is just what she says it is. A guide to dating and how to make it better. I went back to the very first post in her blog, to find out what made her decide to write this. She says right up front she's just writing her opinion, and doesn't claim to be an expert. She's just got her own ideas, and actually has a lot of great suggestions based on her personal experience, and the experience of others.

She gives advice on all sorts of things that are not good only for singles, but for us old married farts as well. Advice such as:

1. Dealing With Mean Girls
2. Nagging - an ability we have and men hate
3. Making Room for Me Time
4. Talking Dirty (yes, Mr. Diva Dee is crazy about this-- I should read up on it)
   

She also answers questions submitted by readers, and has many "topics of the day." There's random contests, movie reviews, and more. All in all, its got content smeared everywhere like K-Y Jelly. I could literally spend all day reading this blog, and then spend another day telling you everything about it.

Clutter: She's got a little, but it works for her. Ten most recent posts, which is fine. Almost 2 years worth of monthly archives is getting a little much though, ok? She's got a great list of bloggers in her blogroll, listed under "Bad Girls In Training" and "Bad Ass Bloggers." Stopping right there would have been fine, but she has to continue with a Quote of the Day, a list of recent comments she has made on OTHER people's blogs, her "Current Jamz", and a lot of other unneccessary stuff that could be put somewhere else on a different page. But since most of it ties in to the subject of her blog, I'm not going to bitch about it all that much. Imagine that!

Navigation: First of all, nothing seems to open up in a new page. And once you get to certain pages (such as archives I was reading) there's no way to get back to the home page. No link anywhere! So I have to use my back button to get back to where I was. I hate using the back button, because I'm just too fucking lazy. (Actually, I found the "Return to my Homepage" link hidden in her sidebar-- but I had to search for it.)

Another thing to change up-- there's no way to permalink certain posts, at least that I can find. I wanted to link to a few of her good posts from her archives for this review, but there's no way to do that. Unless I want to include a link to a whole months worth of archives, which for this blog is a LOT. Nothin' doin'.

You'll just have to go check her out for yourself.

Would I Return? Absolutely.

Rating: 9 out of 10

The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor

Frumpy Professor

Okay, I'll bite... Why would this frumpy Professor care what we think?? This is what I was wondering as I was reading through what I thought would be a boring and mundane blog regarding literature, arts, and other things that interest me but I have no "smarts" for. Meaning, if you use big words I'm outta there.

What I found was a very interesting blog about a dog who drinks beer in a bottle (honest to god true story - pet beer of course), a story about his love and hard times for his mother, and many other sometimes not so happy posts. It is a bit of everything which in my opinion, keeps the reader interested and holds a bit of intelligence as well! I can even forgive him for his last November 2005 post on hating football - although it was a bit tough at first.

Now, lets discuss the template. I hate this part, I really do. The colors are great for what the blog is about - seriously. It has a "Professor" kind of look to it, albeit a bit boring, but not all together bad. Again, the colors mesh well together.

Ugh, the bad part??? Well, the sidebar of course! What the hell is going on here? Too many numbers - As Phoebe Bouffee said when she saw Monica and Chandler "doing it" -MY EYES MY EYES! I can't stand when people list their archives by month like 02/01/07 - 03/01/07. Now that would be okay (relatively speaking of course) if they only had a couple of months but this frumpy professor has been blogging since 2003! Almost 4 years of numbers on the sidebar - NO NO NO. Roll it up, I said, Roll it up! Same thing goes for the myriad of blogs he has on his sidebar that he promotes. Just because they are in TINY little print doesn't mean they aren't long and annoying.

I think we should talk about the posts again - because I could ramble about the template forever. Excellent writing, very honest and open, and quite frankly I like him. He doesn't seem all that frumpy to me!

Would I return? Yes, probably I would! WOW - shocking huh?

Rating - 6 1/2 out of 10 (That sidebar REALLY dropped this score)

Speak Into The Mike

"Give a man a microphone and he thinks he needs to be heard."

That's what "Speak Into The Mike" has for his tagline. It's catchy.

The "MikeStand" describes himself as :

boy - dad - gadget geek - macintosh user - apple iSheep - obsessive -
seemingly disorganized

OK, I can totally see that. Let's move on, shall we?

Template: White background, white header, white, white, white. Blogger's standard template to the core. Black font, except for his header, which is dark blue. Hmmmm.... I'm ready for a nap. My dearest Mike, go right now to Google, and do a search for "free blogger templates" and find yourself something with some spark. Hell, even us Bratz dolls, superstar wannabes were able to muster up enough brain cells to find something besides the boring Blogger templates. And did I mention they are FREE? No need to spending any money on something like a blog thats just for fun anyways. FREE, FREE, FREE! (Sorry, I get excited about bargains!)

Since its a standard Blogger template, it goes without saying that its pretty clean. Clean as a damn sheet, my friends! Opens easily, not a lot of shit on his page to slow it down. Twelve posts on the front page might be a little much. I'd snip it down to 5, or maybe less, since your posts are pretty long. Not saying its a bad thing, but I'll deal with that later on.

Content: First of all, he likes him some whiskey. Maybe thats why he doesn't seem to post very much? I looked back through his archives and saw several months with only a small handful of posts. He did do the NaBloPoMo thing in November, which in my opinion, just got people to sit down and force themselves to write something every day, whether it was good or not. Pfft! Who needs that?

Throw in a few posts about his kids (cute, cute, cute!), his better half--Lovely Wife (didn't see any pics of her, so I can't vouch for her cuteness), and there's some humor that crops up every so often. I saw the tagline "Give a man a microphone..." and I expected more humor than what he has in there. Maybe this blog is just for him to speak about whatever the hell pops into his head??? If thats the case, he's hit the nail on the head. He talks about everything from some girl falling down a staircase, to his kids and wife being sick, to the ATM machine at his bank, to the whole Donner vs. Donder scandal. But all in all, isn't that what blogs are supposed to be? Somewhat of a personal diary so to speak?

Clutter: None whatsoever. Just the vast expanse of whiteness, remember? A couple badges, his "Scotch Watch" (like I said, he loves his alcohol, huh?), Archives, a good list of Dads Who Write and Moms Who Write, and a longer list of "Other People" he "Can't Get Enough Of." Normally, I tell people to roll that shit up, but this page is so bland and color-less, you might as well just leave it there.

Would I Return? Don't go out and get some wild flashy template, but maybe try finding something that more indicates who you are. You can keep the same header picture, because thats pretty good. Hell, even go into your template and change the colors from there, keeping the layout the way it is.

So, back to the original question... Would I Return? Maybe. He had some interesting stuff, and it's a blog I could maybe see adding to my blogroll, but as far as taking my time to click on it everyday and see if he's posted anything, probably not. Not that its a bad blog, just maybe not what I would normally read.

Rating: 4 out of 10

I ended up here...how?

I ended up here...how?

Ah, the story of what seems like a die-hard New Yorker turned New Englander... how quaint. Although the premise certainly doesn't compel me to run over there, I could see the promise in this blog.

Before I begin I must say that we were rather surprised to receive emails telling us to "bash" this blog mainly because she has "connections", and by that we mean to THEM. If you don't know who they are then catch up and look down people! We here don't believe in that, although normally I would say sure, what the fuck! But nope, I'm going to be the better one and handle this like I don't even know who reads her shit.

That being said, let us start at the beginning. I opened up this blog to see this very large - make that absolutely fucking huge - beach scene. Well, I love the ocean just as much as the next East Coast girl, but that is a bit much! MAKE IT SMALLER! Sorry to scream, but look at it and you'll be screaming too. I look over to her "profile" and read the words "Thank G-D I have the ocean 5 minutes away". First off, don't boast, most of us aren't that lucky, and second...

Live a little, put the O in God! Go for it, no one is going to strike you dead, unless you are as "wasp-y" as you claim to be. I look at the general template and although nice it is nothing special. My question still remains, even after spending a good bit of time looking around, what the heck are those little symbols between all of your sidebar titles? They just need to go - now! Other than that, it was rolled up which I can totally appreciate and not filled with the normal bullshit people insist on putting on their sidebars.

Now, the fun stuff. The posts. Interesting to say the least! I myself love to be a good voyeur and this is the blog to do it. Seems like she is having a little problem in the love department and has decided to fix it through J-Date, a Jewish dating site. Think Match.com but with all the stereotypical Jewish men (as told by her posts). She did mean a guy somewhere along the line called "boatman", I think that was his name, but he seemed to break her heart, but no more so than "single dad" who in my humble opinion was a total slut. She seems to hang her heart on her sleeve, which is almost romantic in a stupid, psychotic, I'm begging to be hurt, kind of way. Either way it seems as this girl is looking for marriage (oh, hon, aren't we all?).

She has got 2 boys that I'm guessing she shares custody with because she seems to go out a lot with her girlfriends, but all in all, definately not a mommy blog, more like a dating blog with posts about work and kids. It's cool though, and I don't often say that about any blog. You go girl! Get that man and hook 'em in!

Would I return? OH heck yeah, I'm loving this girls style, attitude, and refreshing honesty that only comes with age and divorce. Lovin' her!

Rating - 7 out of 10

My So-Called Supermom life

My So-Called Supermom Life

Template: I won't complain about it, even though it's a standard blogger template, because it happens to be one of their nicer standard templates. Ok, fine, I'll say it... I like this standard blogger template. There, happy? Moving on...

Sidebar: Someone please get me a broom and a dustpan because I'm gonna need it! I hate clutter. Sidebars need to be simple and clear... thank GOD there are no ads (except for whatever that Babycenter thing is at the bottom of the sidebar) and it's not a mile and a half long, but it definitely needs to be cleaned up. There is no flow and clear separation of categories like... "Blogs I Read", "Offsite Links" or "Archives", for example. I'm OCD, help a girl out and clean it up! Shorten your "category titles" and organize it better. And, for the record, your archives are rolled up so that's nice and all, but the alignment is off and the drop down menu is too wide for your sidebar. That needs to be fixed. I checked it in FireFox and IE and it's the same. I could care less what it looks like in all the other browsers out there because I don't use them. An easy fix would be to get rid of the title "All the past posts... good bad..." Don't be so damn wordy! "Archives" works JUST fine. KISS = Keep it simple silly! Ok, so it's really keep it simple stupid, but I'm not calling her stupid. That's just mean.

Content: Yaaawwwwwwn! Really, I just yawned. But seriously, it's just not all that exciting. With that said though, if I'm not laughing my ass off or crying my eyes out, I'm bored. I'm difficult to please. However, boring is not always a bad thing. Really! It's not! She does have a lot on her plate with her sick husband, toddler and working so blogging about it probably gives her a great outlet. Honestly, she would be a friend of mine! I can just tell. She writes sweetly and her love for life really shows through. You don't have to write like a Erma Bombeck to keep me coming back. Her typos are minimal (but people, really, is it too hard to proof read before hitting that publish button?) which is always a plus because typos result in me screaming and ripping my hair out. All in all, the content is fine but it drags. That doesn't make it a bad blog at all, it's just geared more for family and friends. No harm in that. I went back as far as I could in the ARCHIVES (please... call them something like that instead of "All the Past Posts...") until freaking Google started hicupping and wouldn't let me see any more older posts.

In summation: Hubby, lose the beard. The fish should be called Napolean and Wanda and your daughter is gorgeous.

Rating 5 out of 10

Another Addition to the Bratz Collection

Welcome Ruby Lou to the team at

"So Many Blogs, So Little Time."

Ruby Lou has been a blogger for about a year and has read her share of crap so enlighten her with something worthwhile, please! She happens to be sarcastic, sassy and spunky. Her turn-ons are men, money and nice cars. Her turn-offs are dirty fingernails, poetry and poor people.

What makes her tick? Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
What ticks her off? Running out of jelly.... or peanut butter.

Make sure to give her a warm welcome, a pat on the back, a spank on the tush, whatever you're in the mood for.

Question From A Reader

An email we received today:

******************************************
...I am considering having my own blog reviewed. But I have only a standard blogger template in place. I have zero skills when it comes to the technical stuff. Does the template make up a large portion of the review rating? I'd hate to ask you to waste your time on mine if it does because the only changes I made was having someone add a blog roll on there and a stat counter for me.

******************************************
Our reply:

Go ahead and submit your blog! Although we look at several different things in each blog we visit, we also go back through quite a bit of your archives as well. We might weigh someone's template more than another blog's simply depending on what mood we're in. Or as you can see from some of our other reviews (not that we've done a LOT yet), we will occasionally not even worry about the template if what you write about is your strong point.

We like getting to know new people and new blogs, and we totally understand that not everyone knows everything there is to know about setting up a site. We certainly don't claim to be experts at it, either!

This site is purely for fun, and maybe even a way for you to find some new blogs to read.

Submit away, my dear!

Ransom Note Typography

I see a title like "Ransom Type Typography" and I automatically assume I will hate it. What the hell does that title mean? It could only mean a blog of nothing, a blog of crap, a blog of whatever it is that will be wasting my time in even typing out a review. And I never did find out what the title even means. Maybe he'll respond and let us know?

So, with all that said--- I'm not sure why I like it so much.

It truly encompasses everything I hate in a blog. Three columns, next-to-nothing header. GOOGLE ADS-- which you should seriously check out if you're looking for Led Zeppelin ringtones or if you want to get LASIK surgery in Los Angeles. Fa' REAL.

He's got the long list of archives, going clear the hell back to September 2005. He's got a list of his OWN favorite posts. Hell, he's even got a webcam taking a picture like every 15 minutes, so you can always keep your on eye on what he's doing. That right there should say NO POINTS, right? As he said, one of these days, you will see a big old booger coming out of that Jimmy Durante honker. (OK, I added the "Jimmy Durante honker" part, k?)

I am waiting for my head to stop spinning, because this is usually the point where I tend to go all "exorcist" on someone's ass and start ripping apart anything and everything I can get my hands on. All of the things in his blogs are things I normally would give one glance to and then lowball the score just to rid myself of wasting any more of my precious time.

My palms are sweating. I feel faint. Could it be? Could I actually LIKE this blog?

Damn straight.

The content rocks. I never thought it would be good, but it is. Hell, I was SKEERED to even review the damn thing, because I feared another douchebag site, but I gotta say--

This one's a keeper.

Ok, *whew* I got that off my chest. Maybe I'm high from the glue I was using in my craft-making (thanks Watchdog!) or maybe this blog is just good. The one thing I cannot figure out it is that it doesn't look like any of his posts have COMMENTS on them. Maybe he's hiding them, or does no one out there know about this blog?

Would I Return? This is an easy answer. I would say a most definite YES.

Check him out. Skip past the computer mumbo-jumbo unless you're feeling uber-techie today, and read on. He's got some great things to say. Go leave him some comments, show him some love, and tell him Diva Dee sent ya.

Rating: 8 out of 10 (I'm feeling generous)

Thanks for letting us review your blog.

Curmudgeonisms

Up next for the slaughter is Curmudgeonisms

Oh Dave from Hooterville, Nevada. You old curmudgeon.

Or are you?

Curmudgeon: sourpuss, bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous, bitter, full of resentment, stubborn.

I was having a hell of a time figuring out just who you are. Are you a 70-year old man who thought he'd start a blog because no one in his family listens to what he has to say? Or, are you a 17 year old smartass with severe acne and no girlfriend to call your own, so you started a blog?

Turns out, as I read further-- he's around 46-47 years old. (Born in 1960, so it could go either way.) Here's a typical rundown of his posts from the last few months (try and keep up):

One liner
You Tube
One Liner
Joke that someone forwarded to him
Google search results
One liner
Good post
Spam of the day
One liner
Another joke someone sent him
google search results
Spam of the day
You Tube
Fuck Off Friday

yeah, thats pretty much it. A couple commenters per post, but from the looks of it, its mostly all the same people. But with all those visitors, he feels the need to have not one-- but THREE sitemeters??-- what exactly are we tracking here?

Not much to report about the template. Grey background, not much color. But this blog maybe isn't supposed to be a personal blog, is it? It's not like he tells anything about his life, at least not from what I have seen. Mostly just random outbursts every so often when he feels like it. I guess if I had to picture an old curmudgeon, I suppose bird shit grey would be the first thing to come to mind, am I right?

Sidebar? - Here goes. Hold on to your panties, ladies. This is going to be a bumpy ride. It starts out half the time by opening way at the bottom of his page. Probably because its weighted the hell down by all the junk he's got in it. Here's a peek:

Click my logo to get Dave's Bar & Garage Gear
Moon phases (WTF? What are those?)
Visitor map - Yes, i can see the red dot placed strategically where I am from!
Daily Day by Day
some cartoon shit
More ads
Links
All kinds of other wacky shit

Archives are a mess - again, blogging since November 2004, and again, another blog that feels the need to list every single fucking month on his sidebar. What's worse, he has them listed as "01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007" instead of just saying "JANUARY 2007." Puh-leeze.

His "Blogs Worth a Read" include about a gazillion blogs, and some pretty damn good ones. You might actually find some worth reading on a regular basis. But the list goes on and on, with no fucking end in sight. At least have it scrolling, or something so it takes up less space if you don't want to roll it up or hide it altogether.

The home page includes about 40+ posts-- all on the first page! I actually stopped counting at 45, so I could be wrong-- maybe there's MORE. Is that why this guy has a sidebar so fucking long? He wants it to be the same length as his posts?

Would I Return? Um, no. Probably not. Most of the jokes he posts are ones I've had forwarded to me a million times already by fuckwads that have nothing better to do than sit their fat-ass in front of their computer and forward shit. And the only thing he's writing himself is usually only one or two sentences per post. Everything else is copied from somewhere else.

(edited to add: hardy-fucking-har, before all of you haters blast me with comments about THAT comment, I'll go ahead and say it myself, to save you all some time. "Isn't that the fucking pot calling the kettle black?" Dur-hur-hur, really, you guys are hilarious.)

I was going to give this one a rating of 2, but I was feeling nice. So I'm adding a bonus for his disclaimer at the bottom of his site, which made me literally snort with laughter when I read it. So much so, that I think I killed the last few brain cells I have allocated for this week.

Here's his disclaimer:


All opinions expressed on this weblog are those of the author.
The author's opinions do not represent those of his employers, friends, or relations, unless posted by them personally.
Presentation of content never will imply endorsement unless specifically stated as such.
All contents copyright ME ("curmudgeon") 2004-2005, all rights reserved everywhere, with the exception of original material not created by me which is copyrighted and property of the author.
Void where prohibited.
Batteries not included.
Use only as directed.
Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
This is neither an offer to sell nor an offer to buy.
Apply only to affected area.
May be too intense for some viewers.
For recreational use only.
If condition persists, consult your physician.
Subject to change without notice.
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
For off-road use only.
One size fits all.
Colors may, in time, fade.

...there's more. Go check it out for yourself. It's actually good!

So, I'll go ahead and give this a 3 out of 10.

Thanks for letting us review your blog.

Incoherent-ish

Incoherent-ish

Huh, I really, honestly don't know where to start. I like this blog, I don't like this blog, I enjoy the writing, I don't enjoy the writing, I like the template, I don't like the template. You can see my dilema here!

Let's just start with what we see shall we? For the most part, I enjoy the template, although it is not usually my style. Maybe that is what is throwing me off. At first I was WAY put off by the scary little faces staring back at me. Then I thought, okay, kind of cute. Then I thought, couldn't you do a little better with the header? Hence my see-saw nature of this review.

The sidebar looks great for the most part. Archives are rolled, which I love, and it has very distinct titles which I also love. I don't love Trish's linky love - I think that could be rolled up as well. Call me crazy but if I have to scroll for what seems like forever to get to the next category it might be time to roll 'em up.

The purple sidebar is good, although I'm finding out from previous comments on this blog that people hate purple. HUH? What is there to hate? Unless it is so overpowering that it looks like a purple crayon threw up, I'm okay with it. BUT... the blue blog body does not go with the purple sidebar. If it's going to be purple then make it all purple with different shades, if it is going to be blue then make it different shades of blue, but DO NOT combine them thinking they look okay because they don't.

Now, let's get to the writing... I'm loving it and not so loving it at the same time. There are some very cute shorter posts that made me laugh and/or ponder, but the longer posts seem rather mundane. But again, some of the longer posts, especially the ones made for humor are actually funny. I'm very wishy-washy with this one. There isn't anything in particular that I hate, but again there is nothing I totally love. So, with that I ask the question - Would I return?

Probably yes, but maybe not for very long. By now you all should have figured out the rating on this blog - it sort of goes along with my wishy washy review -

Rating - 5 out of 10

Freak Much?

Let's sum it all up.

We've removed our "Fine Print" from our site. Yes, we copied it from another site, and changed the wording. It was wrong, and we admit it. Apparently, if we would have asked first, she maybe would have been flattered we wanted to use it. Somehow, I doubt that, but we'll let that one go. Anyways, the "Fine Print" has been removed. I would hope thats the last we hear about THAT part of our site.

We aren't allowed to call ourselves "bitches" either, since it seems that whole group of people at the other site have already trademarked that term. Fine. We deleted that, too. According to their site, we are also copying their reviews by using such words as "Pepto-Bismol." ROFLMAO, are you people for real?

I really hope I don't happen to utter a phrase in any of my reviews such as "I speak too often" because that could be easily construed as coming too close to the name of their site, also-- Right? I guess since they are the only site out there that is allowed to use certain phrases and words in reviewing sites, maybe we should all ask them for a glossary of terms that only they are allowed to use? Then that way we would know what we can and cannot say. We'll be anxiously awaiting that email.

Better yet, maybe we should ask for a list of words and phrases we CAN use. That might be a shorter list, since they've probably cornered the market on every word in the fucking English language.

As for our template- let's review it.
It's a standard free blogger template. We picked it because we hadn't seen any blogs currently using it. We liked the color, we liked the picture, we just liked it. Not sure why we have to explain myself to people, but we keep getting ragged on because of our template. I guess we haven't been around the block as many times as some people because its been said that this is a template "everyone is using." Maybe we'll change it, maybe not. We quite like the generic quality of it.

But a question for all of you that have been blogging for quite some time---

Do you currently use the exact same template, header graphic, page set-up and html coding as when you first started your blog?

Probably not. I don't know that any of us do. Most of us start out with something just to get started, make changes over time, see what works and what doesn't, and we improve upon it as we're able to. But because we cannot uphold the PERFECTION of another review site, we are chastised for it. So, we don't have mail forms on our site, and we don't have our own domain, and we are still working out some kinks with opening pages up in new windows.

So, here's a question that begs to be answered.

Why do you bash us first for copying your site and then bash us again because of the things NOT like yours??

(You can include your answer in the email where you send us the glossary of terms we are or are not allowed to use in our reviews.)

Also, why in the hell are WE expected to have everything perfect right out of the gate, in the first week we've started this site? I'm sure the other review site was PERFECT from day one. Aren't they lucky?

Do we hope to improve on things? Hell yes!
Do we hope to eventually move to a new site? Hell yes!
Should we wait and see what kind of response we get first from readers before investing a whole lot of time and energy into the current site?

Hell, YES!

Why we are being faulted for that, I have no idea. I know there are regular readers and even regular commenters of the other site that are agreeing with us on this one. How do we know? We've talked to them. They've emailed us. They've left us comments. Of course, they'll never admit it (probably for fear of getting chewed to bits by the bitches for being traitors), but we aren't going to waste any more of our time worrying about it.

About our reviews - I have written all TWO of my damn reviews myself-- and I have not copied any wording used in my reviews from yours or anyone else's site. I wrote it myself. Period. If you think I or anyone else on this site has copied something being used in our reviews, please let us know.

All of the bickering comments back and forth on this subject have now been deleted.

We are moving on. Should others choose to do the same is their decision. We can't control that. You will notice (if you really care to check) that none of us have gone to their site and left any comments. We have not responded on there to any of the bashing they done of our site. They are the ones choosing to flood us with long, bitchy comments, calling us everything in the book. Several of them have submitted their blogs, often including quite phony shit such as gushing over how much they "love" us (yeah, right), and "please review my blog" and "please take a look at some of my links."

It's truly ironic the amount of time they have put into our little ol' site. They bash it to pieces, then all their minions come over and bash it to pieces, and then they all come back several times each day, checking to see what we have to say about it. Inquiring minds, my ass.

Blonde Chick Bloggin' - a ditzy freakin' mess

Well, well, well... where do I begin with this holy shitload of blonde-ness?

Blonde Chick Bloggin' is a pure pile of PINK blah. Can we say PEPTO-BISMOL? Maybe that Pepto-pink is for settling my stomach while reading what this "chick" has to say. I had so many blonde jokes running through my head while reading this site, but I'll refrain from spewing forth the bullshit--for now. On with the show...

Template: Cutesy pink, like I've said. Almost TOO cute. I haven't seen this template before, but I guess it fits her flighty-ass personality. Does the funky gal in the picture actually have WHITE hair? I can't tell for sure, I'm still seeing spots from the being blinded from the pinky pink.

Clean sidebar? Check.
No columns full of ads? Check.
No mind-boggling blinkies? Check.
Rolled-Up archives? Check.

But why in holy hell do we have to know what books she's reading? Is she trying to prove to us that blondes DO know how to read? And I would suggest ditching the "Help Us Track Our Debt" thing. TMI, blondie -- we don't care how much debt you are in. We're all in it, and we all want to get out of it.

My big suggestion would be this-- get something on your sidebar to list your categories/labels/tags, whatever. Then readers could sift through the fluff and get to the good stuff easier. Otherwise, its like looking for a fucking needle in a haystack.

Content: Shut my mouth and call me sassy. Does this chick have ADHD or what? Is she bi-polar? Her posts are all over the place. But she IS blonde, so maybe thats her excuse. Holy shit-- I can't figure out if she's a devout Scripture-spouting Christian or a sarcastic bitch with a super-caustic personality. She seems to change moods like some people change underwear. I read back through several months of archives, and I can't figure out what she's talking about a lot of the time. Several of her posts are written as if we should already know who and what she's talking about. My head hurts from reading through everything.

She started out her blog very even-keeled about a year ago. A few Christian posts, random updates on their shitload of debt. (yawn) After a few months though, she started getting quite snarky. An attitude with a capital A came out, and it was like a Blonde Barbie Jekyl and Hyde act. Now, the blog flips back and forth like a light switch-- the snarky bitch coming out every so often, with a smattering of God talk (praise reports, blessings-- *gag*) in between. I am amazed that the chick seems to have a gaggle of fans, and judging from the comments left, she's got **GASP** regular readers .

Weird thing is, she can be funny when she wants to be. Hilarious, actually. But then the next post will be so fucking boring it makes me want to hit myself in the head with my mouse to stay awake. Maybe the good posts are on days she forgets to dye her hair?

To sum it up--- this "chick" is All. Over. The. Place. GAWD.

Navigation/Clutter: - I'm tired of this blog, it makes my head hurt. So I'm not going to bother with this.

Would I Return? - Get the list of categories added to your sidebar so I could wade through the fluff, and call me in the morning. I might be back. I like the posts you've got under the "Random Bullshit" and "On The Soapbox" categories, so give me those and call it a day. Everything else is just fluff.

Rating for Blonde Chick Bloggin': 4

Hillary is an idiot

Hillary is an idiot

What you hear is the screams that are echoing through my bedroom as I type this.

Not because it is a horrible blog - we'll actually get to some good stuff later - but because I'm not a Republican. Hell, I'm not particularly political at all so after I was "assigned" to review this blog I don't have an actual idea of what it is about. So, I ponder the name, wondering what stupid 20 something girl I would be reviewing today when I happen across a blog about Hillary Clinton. DOH!

*Screams were amplified*

I love Hillary Clinton.

I know, I know, I'm not supposed to yell out my political agenda but I'm a Democrat, and a vocal liberal, and I like her. I like what she stands for, I like her beliefs, and I want a woman President, and so far, she is our best hope.

Okay, enough of my political tirades.

I really thought that this would be a hard blog to review, quite simply because of my bias, but what I found was utterly shocking! I LIKED IT! Yes folks, you heard right, I liked it. Lets start with the template shall we? It was a boring white background - I hate white - but for some reason it fit. The header is a great picture of the White House with lightening bolts that just sort of went with the title of their particular muse. The sidebar was was short and sweet - although lacking any "personality" so to speak. But it was all there, right in front of you, and easy to navigate.

The posts were, dare I say it, humorous. Yes, you heard me right, they made me laugh. They were of course pictures and posts that were against Hillary Clinton, but yet at the same time, they had a political sarcasm and humor that can crack up even the most liberal Democrat.

The only downfall is that there simply isn't enough of them. The person that does this blog went a full month and a half without posting. Now, now, that isn't a way to uphold a blog is it??

So, in my sleepy state, I'm going to say this blog was... well... good. OMG - don't let my mother (the REAL Democrat) hear me say this!

RATING - 6 out of 10